Jan
16

I Should Be President!

Lately I have been getting sick to my stomach, like most Americans, at what our country has become and the pending Presidential Race. I am not an Obama supporter and never was. I also am not too keen on any of the other candidates. I lean much more to the right but these guys are turds, simply stated. We need a major change in this country. We need to take everything we have been doing and change it, turn it upside and and shake it! I am certain that people should follow me because I am what this country needs. What is he all about you maybe asking yourself.

Well if you don’t have the time to go back and read some of my blog, I will give you the short answer. I am a married father of four with a wife that stays home to raise our kids. We are broke, struggle every day, don’t have the proverbial “pot to piss in”, have bill collectors calling at all hours of the day (so if you are one that happens to be calling…..we are ignoring you), we are considering the use of medication and do not know what tomorrow holds.

The value of our dollar is constantly lowering, economies around the world are in the shitter and we have a President that isn’t making things any better. I don’t blame President Obama for it all as much of what he is dealing with is the result of a few decades of ridiculous policy, meaningless programs and the bastardizing of decent programs.

Let me in!

Some key points I would address as President would be:

  • Money would be backed by gold
  • Stop immigration into the US for 5 years
  • Stop giving monetary aide to other countries (temporarily of course but resuming only with countries that help us in some form or fashion)
  • Stop trade with China and other countries that don’t have similar civil liberty practices as the US
  • Encourage countries to keep their businesses in the US, employing US citizens (tax reform should help here)
  • Create a flat tax rate (correct…I would not tax the “rich” at a higher percentage because 7% of $1,000,000 is more than 7% of $50,000 and the “rich” employee me and approximately 100 others that work where I do)
  • Reform medical insurance practices – we cannot allow insurance companies to dictate medical care
  • Re-establish State’s Rights
  • Limit the involvement of the Federal Government in our daily lives

Now I know I am not a political commentator and I do not have any hard facts (I can’t state Congressional  and/or Presidential Acts) that formed my beliefs but I am like most people. I am trying to support my family and will stop at nothing to protect and provide for them. We can all agree that this country is not heading in a good direction and it needs some major change. We need a President that is like the “every day American” not someone fighting for their own grandiose ideals or to the benefit of big corporations. We cannot change a country overnight that has been creating the problems it has for several decades but we need some big change.

This country was founded on rebellion. A group of farmers, merchants and sailors rebelled against the strongest country in the world and won! They had ideals and stood their ground. How is it that the country they formed which was to be run by the people, cannot stand together to enact the change they so desperately appeal for? These rebels wrote a document that should be read from time to time by all Americans, it is called The Declaration of Independence. Disregard the part in which I wrote that I would not bore you with my political beliefs because I guess I lied.

What the hell do I know? I am just a married father of four that pays his taxes and tries to support his family. I have to go now as I think one of my kids just shit their pants.

 

Oct
02

Things Haven’t Changed

Again I decided to write after a long absence. I figured that if there is anybody left reading my blog following my constant long periods of nothing, that person deserves an update!

Life is as crazy as it ever was with 3 kids in school, 2 kids taking Marital Arts classes and 1 taking dance lessons. It puts a lot of strain on my wife as I am not around to help shuttle back and forth or to help with homework or dinner. The youngest, Ryan is a pisser but is my wife’s shadow. One would have thought with the other 3 kids in school all day that my wife would have some breathing room during the day but Ryan is her shadow and no longer likes to take his long afternoon naps. So needless to say, things are a little tense by the time I get home from work every day.

What does that mean for me you ask? Well when I get home I get to watch a Martial Arts display and see 2 boys beat up each other and a little girl perform a small dance routine while the baby runs around getting into everything he shouldn’t be into before having to do the last bit of homework with my oldest Nick, all while my wife is scrambling in the kitchen or in the basement doing laundry. I still can’t believe the amount of laundry 6 people generate! Also the amount of money it takes (which we don’t have) to keep of house of 6 operating is mind boggling but I digress.

More importantly I am trying to get my kids into cool music instead of the stuff my wife has them listening to! They sing Top 20 songs along with some other whacky stuff. They are also hugely into Eminem and Michael Jackson. Yup that’s right! Eminem is a favorite of the wife so she got the latest edited release of Eminem’s CD and the fascination with Michael Jackson was spawn from a family BBQ last summer in which my oldest heard “Beat It”. I don’t know what to say. I try but when they are in the car so much more with my wife then me, it is hopeless. They also have a Michael Jackson game for the Wii in which they dance along to Michael and his songs. I know, I know! I have tried but it has not been successful. Take a look at what I am up against:

So based on this don’t you think I am screwed?

 

Apr
02

I Love My Annoying Goofball!

There comes a time in every father’s life when he must sit back and just enjoy the memories given to him by his children. I am not at that point (haha) but I have recently come to the realization that my second youngest is the type of child that annoys the shit out of you if he belongs to you and completely entertains you if he is child of anybody else.

Corey is a sweet, lovable and extremely cute kid but also unbelievably annoying! He is the kid that won’t let something go. If he asks for something and I say no, he will ask and ask and ask and ask and ask again until I raise my voice at which point he inserts his 2 fingers into his mouth and storms out of the room. He will ask me 100 times to draw him a map, picture of a dinosaur, a dragon, a Clone Soldier, a Power Ranger, an elephant, a tiger or whatever else comes to his mind. When I tell him to try drawing it himself, he cries and asks over and over and over and over and over again until I raise my voice at which point he inserts 2 fingers into his mouth and storms out of the room. Then he will come back into the room and ask me again. When I say no again, he inserts 2 fingers into his mouth and storms out of the room or he goes to the wife and asks her to draw him the picture but she usually cannot understand what he is saying as he is crying and has 2 fingers in his mouth.

So you get the point of how things go but how can I not love a kid who is a goofy as they come? He does just about anything he can to get you to laugh. Whether it is make a silly face, wear pants on his head or perform some kind of spastic dance in front of everyone in the room. He makes the funniest faces for no reason at the strangest times and loves to be without clothing, except for his preferred ensemble which is just underwear.

Now to get ready to have your Corey experience! Some memorable moments:

Hi!

NO! He isn't a Jets fan...Thanks Uncle Marc

Bath Time

Urrrrrgh

Bed time?

Not watching the soccer game

Here I am

The human head weighs 8lbs!

Is this how they go on?

Which way did he go George...which way did he go?

You got a friggin problem?

Do you love him now? Of course you do……he isn’t yours!

PS…..

My wife just reminded me that he is the spitting image of me and I am constantly reminded by my family that he is my clone as I was the same way…….

Mar
10

Did We Forget Our Constitution?

We the People......

Yesterday provided me with a very interesting night as one of my brothers came over for a visit. This brother is 4 years older than me and extremely passionate about politics and current events. You cannot talk to him without him asking you if you heard the news about this politician saying this or that or and I quote: “Can you believe what our communist President wants to do now?”  He gets very vocal and animated when he talks and if you don’t know him you would think he is a lunatic. He would probably scare most people when he gets all revved up. Needless to say by the aforementioned quote, my brother is a “little” right-leaning with his political views. What makes this interesting you might ask? Nothing other than the fact that you may “get a kick” out of the way he talks, gets red and flails his hands. However when you add my very liberal thinking wife to the conversation, things get very interesting.

The conversation last night wasn’t the usual in which my brother yells and screams and my wife calls him a nut and neither one cannot believe the things the other is saying. Last night was a little calmer. I don’t disagree with most of my brother’s views which also makes it interesting when the wife and I discuss politics but I am not as passionate about politics as he is so I just let him and my wife duke it out because I am entertained. I understand everything my brother says but sometimes his emotions take over then my wife’s emotions react to his, causing someone to say something outlandish but not last night. Last night by brother was using our Constitution to get his point across to my wife. He was quoting texts from it and my wife didn’t believe what he was saying. So being the uber-nerd that I am, I went to the US National Archives website to read the Constitution as the last time I read it was when I was in high school.

I am not going to bore you with my political beliefs and ideology but I think everyone needs to read our Constitution the way in which it was written. I really do feel that many people think that certain things are written in the Constitution that aren’t there or have an opinion of meaning based on what they heard from other people or the media, be it a liberal or conservative media. I completely forgot that our Constitution stated that Senators were originally appointed and not elected and that the First Amendment does not guarantee a separation between church and state (which was the topic discussed by my brother and wife) but it rather stated, in short that the Federal Government will not make a law respecting the establishment of religion or prohibit the religious practices thereof. The Tenth Amendment threw me for a loop. The Tenth Amendment basically states that powers not mentioned in the Constitution for the United States or not prohibited by it for the states are left up to the states and/or the people to decide.

I am not finished reading all of the Amendments but I am enthralled, not only by the Constitution but “The Bill of Rights”. I urge everyone to read a transcript of the Constitution as it may enlighten you. After all, there is no other document in the world like it!

The Constitution of the United States. Go ahead….click the link

The Bill of Rights

Mar
05

Getting Old……..SUCKS!

Lately I have been feeling as if I am getting old. You know the way you felt about your parents when you were younger. I think it is because of the release of the new iPad. It started to make me think back to when I was younger and not necessarily a little kid. But here are some of the things that flashed through my mind:

  • Getting cable and it had a box with a lot of buttons, a switch for 3 positions and a long wire to the T.V.
  • Having a rotary dial phone on the living room end-table
  • Thinking Pong was the shit
  • Atari just blew away Pong….whoaaaaa!
  • Commodore 64 – I didn’t get one but my friend had one
  • My father watching Barney Miller and All in the Family (I still catch them on late night re-runs if I am lucky)
  • Cash registers that had BIG clicky buttons and made the sound of a bell
  • Cars with little vent windows in the doors
  • Cars with air conditioning were for fancy people
  • Sony Walkman with a cassette player
  • Our first cordless phone (it had a retractable metal antenna and that was top of the line stuff)
  • Getting a beeper when I was a teenager (555-5555 911 911)
  • Getting my first computer at 18 or so
  • Motorola StarTac (the best phone ever!…Tri-Mode)

64k Memory...hahahahaha

I guess you get the point. I am sure everyone feels this way from time to time but it creeps me out! My 7 year old comes home and talks about stuff that I never heard of. I find myself playing Wii with the kids and think to myself “Holy shit!” and I know that X-Box has the new thing that reads body movements through a camera/scanner thingy. I am not ready for that!

I am fairly sure that one day I will find my kids plugging themselves into a computer just like Neo from The Matix. I just hope that I don’t end-up some old curmudgeon stuck on life in the 80′s and early 90′s but I think I already am.

Oh and by the way….Steve Jobs sucks ass for this!

Kiss my ass Steve!

Feb
27

Where Has the Time Gone?

It came to my attention recently that I have not posted since school started….wow! Where does the time go? I know where…to 4 kids and work, that’s where!

Ok so the holidays passed, the winter is almost over and I got nothing new. #4 (Ryan) is doing great. He is the absolute best baby. He doesn’t cry much and isn’t a pain in the ass. He is as handsome as his dad and even slightly cooler. He just cut 4 teeth so that was a little rocky but he pulled through without being too much of a pain in the ass. The other kids are all great…I guess. Nicky and Jordan-Rose are doing good in school and Corey beats to his own drum however he cracks me up just as much as he annoys me.

My Dad is busy...problem?

I am eating healthy and in doing so lost 22lbs over the last 3 or 4 weeks. How the hell did I get to be a ginormous mess? Oh yeah…you already read the paragraphs above. I have learned to drink my coffee black, eat more fiber than one should naturally endure and not put salt on everything I eat. I have also learned that Bloody Marys are a great drink for those trying to be healthy. V8 juice with vodka which is a no or low carb alcohol…. it is perfect!

I seriously think I need to get back to this blog as the world needs more of me in it. I know I said it before but this time I mean it a little bit more then the last time! Cheers!

Oct
02

Back to School:Bring On the Germs

It has only been about 3 weeks since my two older kids went back to school and already we (everyone but the baby) have had a stomach flu which finally seems to have run its course and now my 5yo and the baby have some kind of cold or something. It is truly amazing…..we didn’t have one illness all summer and within a week of returning to school, my daughter comes home with a stomach virus. By the third day (3 counting from the first vomit) the next one got the bug and it continued until it hit the wife for a second time a few days ago. If you are a parent then you know the fun we had here. Cleaning puke from:

  • The bathroom floor
  • The toiler
  • The floors leading into the bathroom
  • Clothing
  • Beds
  • Bedroom floors

If that isn’t fun……I don’t know what is!

Now the stomach flu seems to have vacated my home only to make room for a cold. My daughter (5yo) came home with the sniffles and a cough a few days ago and today the baby is snorting, grunting and trying to cough. Since we are professionals at this (just read a previous post of mine “Fatherhood Means Someone is Always Sick!“) I am ready to rock; I got my aspirator (snot sucker) ready. Just to let you know, I had to stop in the middle of this post to help my wife with the baby. His nose is so stuffed that we had put him in the steamed bathroom, then spray saline up his nose, run a vaporizer in the room and get the nebulizer at the ready. Didn’t I tell you we were professionals?

This or the Shop-Vac?

Do you want to know what really stands out in my mind when it comes to my kids and being sick? We called the pediatrician so much with the 1st baby and not as much but enough with the 2nd baby, that the Doctor probably knew when his phone rang that it was Real Dad or his wife calling. Now after having a 4th……the kids are lucky if we ran them to the hospital if their eye ball was hanging out because we can probably fix it with some Benedryl, Motrin and duct-tape.

Make what you have work for you

I feel bad for the baby though. He can’t tell us what is wrong, can’t blow his nose or cough hard enough to clear his throat. We just have to keep an eye on him to make sure his lungs don’t get congested, as we went through that often enough with #3.

Sep
04

It Has Been A While

I cannot believe that the last time I posted was June 27th! As many of you may know because you are my Twitter Buds, the wife had #4 on July 9th. Ryan Michael was born without any complications but his arrival certainly made life a

Little...ain't he?

little crazy around here. To all of those people that said/asked “What more will one more really add to your day?” or the simplified “What’s one more….right?”…….KISS MY ASS! Ok I will admit that we had a lot of help and still do but in order to make life as easy as possible my wife choose to sleep in the living room on the couch next to the bassinet. This would allow her to easily roll over, tend to the baby, change him and get his bottle ready without the rest of the house hearing him and/or her. I am lucky because she did the same thing with the previous 3 kids. In order to make her mornings easier, we allowed the other 3 kids to stay up later in hopes that they wouldn’t get up as early. This meant putting the kids in bed at 9:00 rather than 7:00 which we did previous to July 9th. Luckily it worked! The kids slept until 8:00am or later.

So the wife battled with the baby and 3 other kids and I worked 11 or so hours a day, not including my 2 hours of drive time. When I got home I would play or help with the big kids and when they went to bed I would spend time with the baby and eventually pass out for the night. It was a little crazy. Neither of us knew if we were coming or going. Work is still insane as Bedbugs (my informative post) are really hitting us hard. I am not sure how it is throughout the rest of the country but here in the NY area, stores, hotels and theaters are being shut-down due to Bedbug infestations. My fat-ass even appeared in a news segment (I would post the vid but I look like an asshole because I was wearing very large shoe covers and was sweating my ass off since it was 98 outside that day and we stood in the sun for an hour prior to shooting) due to the increase of infestations. This problem is not only keeping me busy at work but as home as well because I have developed an inexpensive but effective Bedbug Monitor (trap) and I am in the process of trying to come up with the funds to have a patent attorney investigate whether or not I can patent the concept. I have also been working on a related site in which I can provide accurate and honest information without instilling fear into to people and I also hope to sell these traps online or license the products to a large manufacturer/retailer once I figure out the patent thing!

Ryan is finally sleeping through the night. For the last week he has slept almost the whole night through, if not the entire night. This is of course good for the wife which in turn has beneficial effects on me. He is a good baby and doesn’t cry much for the most part and the other kids are fairly good with him. I hope things stay on the improving path and I can once again begin my domination of the online world!

At least you can see the handle of the baby's car seat on the left!

Jun
27

Preparing for the New Arrival

We are only 2 weeks away from the new arrival to our family and we have finally begun to act like a baby is on its way. The last few days have been busy and actually included some preparation for the baby. I washed a stroller that has basically been sitting in a garage for 6 years. This stroller was given to us when Nicky was born and was only used for him because we purchased a tandem stroller when Jordan was born. The tandem stroller came in handy again 1 year later when Corey was born (yeah yeah I know). I also washed 2 Pack-N-Plays, 1 is ours (one of the few things I didn’t throw away after Corey was born) and the other was given to us. We are keeping the 1 in better condition. Now we just have to start washing all of the baby clothes that were given to us. Not that we don’t trust that they were washed before they were given to us but you would wash them too, even if it were family that gave them to you (sorry everyone).

The wife has also been trying to get our kids to be a little more independent. You see, the wife has had a little issue with doing too much for the kids and with the kids. By this I mean she is the one that cleans the mess in their rooms or any room for that matter, after they are done playing. She will pick up the kids clothes after they throw them on the floor. She will cater to every whim and just spoil them rotten. She also spends almost every moment of the day

So proud the she made her bed

with them, occupying them rather than letting them occupy themselves. I am not saying that as parents we shouldn’t do anything other then this but I think that kids should be taught responsibility and a little independence and at an early age. I think she now sees that her life at home will be easier if she makes it easier rather than more difficult. If you want to find out how I would do it just ready my post entitled Introducing #4. I still am trying to figure a way to do everything I said! Anyway, I see the difference in the kids and they are actually starting to respect each other and their belongings. This has also been an issue but I will save that for a future post.

I actually had to stop writing several times as we made our 3rd attempt at letting Jordan sleep in the boy’s room as a special treat. The first attempt didn’t go well

Just a goofball

so we broke up the party. Attempt #2 faired a little better and we didn’t separate them but tonight they just got out of hand so I just sent Jordan to her own room.

The wife is hoping not to go early or at least before July 4th. She wants to make one last trip to visit her family before the

I didn't document the bed but I got this!

new one arrives. As of the last visit to the doctor, she isn’t dilated so he will check her again later this week. If she is dilated, he will recommend that we don’t make the small road trip. I mean after all, since this is #4, I expect labor to be short and for this baby to just pop out like a fart. Maybe that is just wishful thinking because I never heard the wife fart (in her sleep doesn’t count).

Ok I am off to eat the cherry pie I just baked. That is right….I made cherry pie since my friend couldn’t make it to a bar for a few beers with me. I also cooked dinner. Pretty big disparity there but I don’t give a shit. I was listening to Slipknot while I did both so it cancels out!

Jun
14

A Letter from an Attorney

Last week I received a call from the wife while I was at work. In her message she told me that I received a certified letter and had to go to the post office to retrieve it.  I didn’t think much of it and certainly didn’t rush to the Post Office to get it. Finally after two (2) days of the wife busting my stones, I left work early enough to make it to the post office. The letter was from an attorney’s office in Knoxville, Tennessee. I came home and put the letter on top of the refrigerator thinking it couldn’t be a good thing, so why open it?

Later that night my wife yells my name and tells me to hurry into the kitchen. She was reading the letter. In short the letter told me that I was left $750,000 by a relative of my late father. This money was meant for him when this

It is raining money!!

relative died but since my father died first, the money goes to me. I never heard of this relative but my father wasn’t close with his family and only talked about a handful of them. My heart was pounding so hard but my wife didn’t believe it for one moment because I have two brothers and there was no mention of either of them. I immediately called my mother to ask about this relative and she told me that she vaguely remembered someone by that name but wasn’t sure. I immediately visited the website of the law firm. It seemed legit and they have been in business for 100 years or some shit. I then performed an internet search for law firms in Knoxville and this firm ranked 1st. HOLY SHIT!

In the morning I called the firm, as they asked me to do in the letter and I asked for the attorney that sent the letter. I left a message with her assistant and within 30 minutes she returned my call and reiterated everything in the letter. She told me that after signing some papers, I can have a bank check sent to me or have the money deposited directly into my account! HOLY SHIT AGAIN!!! She told me that she would over-night the paperwork and I should return it as soon as possible. I also asked her why my brothers were not mentioned and she said she didn’t know.

I sat there with my wife in amazement. Hell…we are in some debt (not much by most accounts but debt nonetheless), live in an apartment and have a 4th child on the way. This money is just an unbelievable stroke of luck however the direct result of someone else’s demise (or 2 if you count my father but don’t worry Dad because I have it all worked out!). The first thing we did was plan to split it with my brothers and mother then pay off our debt and then buy a house. Now we don’t have to move as far away and could afford something closer to both of our families. I also couldn’t get out of my head the fact that I can probably buy a house that has a “Daddy Only” area with a big screen television, kick-ass surround sound system and video games galore! Holy shit…HOLY SHT….HOLY SHIT!!

As the wife and I are calling everyone we knew, I heard a little voice and it sounded like my youngest. He wasn’t walking into the room so the wife and I continued making our phone calls. I heard it again. So I hung-up the phone and was quiet. I heard it clear as a bell….”Daddy, wake-up. You have to make my strawberry milk”.  SON OF A

Daddy....I want my strawberry milk!

BITCH! I never wanted to punch one of my kids before but I certainly did this day! That’s my luck….none at all.

I don’t dream often but I did dream twice in the last week or so. This one I share with you but not the other so go away because I am pissed!

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