RSSFatherhood Means Poop On The Floor
Yes, the title says it all: FATHERHOOD MEANS POOP ON THE FLOOR!
The wife and I have been delaying our potty training of Corey until the other kids went off to school and so far Corey has been great. It has been about 2 weeks now and he has had minimal accidents which surprises me because he hasn’t shown any interest in using the toilet previously.
Yesterday afternoon was actually lazy time since Nicky was off to camp (that is what we tell Jordan and Corey when Nicky goes with his grandfather to Long Island to visit family) and the other 2 were taking a nap. I was going to try to take a nap myself but decided on watching some football in peace. Corey woke up only after sleeping for 1.5 hours and Jordan woke up soon after. Meanwhile, Carrie is passed out and I am stuck with a totally nude potty training 3 year old and a 4 year old. Yes I said totally nude because when we put pants on him he just pisses in them! So anyway, he immediately tells me that he has to do pee-pee so I whisk him off the the toilet. He does more then pee so I am happy because I am always concerned with my kids bowel movements, or as they say in Nicky’s school BM (what every happened to SHIT?). Fatherhood created a deep concern for the frequency and consistency of my kid’s BM’s (couldn’t resist myself), I don’t know why but it just did….. OK! I proceeded to clean his little butt and resumed my football watching position on the couch. Within seconds Corey tells me that he has to go pee-pee again. So I hoist my fat-ass off of the couch and back to the bathroom. He sits on the seat and immediately says that he is all done. I return to the couch and as soon as I lay down he says it again. Same story….nothing. We do this 2 0r 3 more times within the next few minutes with no results.
Alright, so now I am majorly annoyed. Carrie is still napping and I am trying to watch football with 2 small kids….1 of them nude yelling “I have to go pee-pee!” every 60 seconds. I sit down this time, in anticipation of having to get up again and I look over to see Corey’s face red and straining. You know that look, the look you would expect if a bowling ball was passing through your colon. He says to me in a raspy I am straining type voice “Dad-dy, I – have – to – DO – pooooppy….uuuhhhh”. I jumped up as if Megan Fox were naked at my door only to see a turd hit my living room floor! I yelled “Corey, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” and he simply replied – “Going poop Daddy”. I could not argue that. Before I could grab him and carry him to the bowl a junior turd dropped. What the hell? Needless to say I had to now wake up the wife. I had enough. We cleaned up the 2 turds and his ass to laugh hysterically. Although I was annoyed I was also extremely amused. Sick huh?
Fatherhood has meant a great many things to me over the past 6 year but I never expected that it also means poop on my carpet! How can a kid this cute just drop a DEUCE on my carpet?I don’t know but he only gets this one pass!
The Deuce Dropper!
Did you ever think when you were stylin’ and profilin’ back in your youth that you would be obsessed, let alone write about and publicly discuss, your children’s pooping patterns. It’s as if the minute Baby #1 pops out, poop because a central theme in the lives of parents, once really cool and hip people (well, at least that’s the story I’m sticking to).
We analyze the frequency, the size, the texture, the shape, the consisitency, and the shades of colors of the wee ones’ poop, you know, as in their shit. It is completely amazing how one little creature and his/her body functions can change your life and your heart in a matter of seconds.
Great blog. Keep up the good work!, Lisa B
My wife doesn’t understand my obsession! She thinks I am crazy. However when my kids were infants, I used to say a “A kid that poops is a happy kid!”.
Thanks for the compliment and comment!