Comments (8)

By Real Dad, June 27, 2010 8:39 pm

We are only 2 weeks away from the new arrival to our family and we have finally begun to act like a baby is on its way. The last few days have been busy and actually included some preparation for the baby. I washed a stroller that has basically been sitting in a garage for 6 years. This stroller was given to us when Nicky was born and was only used for him because we purchased a tandem stroller when Jordan was born. The tandem stroller came in handy again 1 year later when Corey was born (yeah yeah I know). I also washed 2 Pack-N-Plays, 1 is ours (one of the few things I didn’t throw away after Corey was born) and the other was given to us. We are keeping the 1 in better condition. Now we just have to start washing all of the baby clothes that were given to us. Not that we don’t trust that they were washed before they were given to us but you would wash them too, even if it were family that gave them to you (sorry everyone).

The wife has also been trying to get our kids to be a little more independent. You see, the wife has had a little issue with doing too much for the kids and with the kids. By this I mean she is the one that cleans the mess in their rooms or any room for that matter, after they are done playing. She will pick up the kids clothes after they throw them on the floor. She will cater to every whim and just spoil them rotten. She also spends almost every moment of the day

So proud the she made her bed

with them, occupying them rather than letting them occupy themselves. I am not saying that as parents we shouldn’t do anything other then this but I think that kids should be taught responsibility and a little independence and at an early age. I think she now sees that her life at home will be easier if she makes it easier rather than more difficult. If you want to find out how I would do it just ready my post entitled Introducing #4. I still am trying to figure a way to do everything I said! Anyway, I see the difference in the kids and they are actually starting to respect each other and their belongings. This has also been an issue but I will save that for a future post.

I actually had to stop writing several times as we made our 3^rd attempt at letting Jordan sleep in the boy’s room as a special treat. The first attempt didn’t go well

Just a goofball

so we broke up the party. Attempt #2 faired a little better and we didn’t separate them but tonight they just got out of hand so I just sent Jordan to her own room.

The wife is hoping not to go early or at least before July 4^th. She wants to make one last trip to visit her family before the

I didn't document the bed but I got this!

new one arrives. As of the last visit to the doctor, she isn’t dilated so he will check her again later this week. If she is dilated, he will recommend that we don’t make the small road trip. I mean after all, since this is #4, I expect labor to be short and for this baby to just pop out like a fart. Maybe that is just wishful thinking because I never heard the wife fart (in her sleep doesn’t count).

Ok I am off to eat the cherry pie I just baked. That is right….I made cherry pie since my friend couldn’t make it to a bar for a few beers with me. I also cooked dinner. Pretty big disparity there but I don’t give a shit. I was listening to Slipknot while I did both so it cancels out!

Comments (4)

By Real Dad, June 14, 2010 9:15 pm

Last week I received a call from the wife while I was at work. In her message she told me that I received a certified letter and had to go to the post office to retrieve it.  I didn’t think much of it and certainly didn’t rush to the Post Office to get it. Finally after two (2) days of the wife busting my stones, I left work early enough to make it to the post office. The letter was from an attorney’s office in Knoxville, Tennessee. I came home and put the letter on top of the refrigerator thinking it couldn’t be a good thing, so why open it?

Later that night my wife yells my name and tells me to hurry into the kitchen. She was reading the letter. In short the letter told me that I was left $750,000 by a relative of my late father. This money was meant for him when this

It is raining money!!

relative died but since my father died first, the money goes to me. I never heard of this relative but my father wasn’t close with his family and only talked about a handful of them. My heart was pounding so hard but my wife didn’t believe it for one moment because I have two brothers and there was no mention of either of them. I immediately called my mother to ask about this relative and she told me that she vaguely remembered someone by that name but wasn’t sure. I immediately visited the website of the law firm. It seemed legit and they have been in business for 100 years or some shit. I then performed an internet search for law firms in Knoxville and this firm ranked 1^st. HOLY SHIT!

In the morning I called the firm, as they asked me to do in the letter and I asked for the attorney that sent the letter. I left a message with her assistant and within 30 minutes she returned my call and reiterated everything in the letter. She told me that after signing some papers, I can have a bank check sent to me or have the money deposited directly into my account! HOLY SHIT AGAIN!!! She told me that she would over-night the paperwork and I should return it as soon as possible. I also asked her why my brothers were not mentioned and she said she didn’t know.

I sat there with my wife in amazement. Hell…we are in some debt (not much by most accounts but debt nonetheless), live in an apartment and have a 4^th child on the way. This money is just an unbelievable stroke of luck however the direct result of someone else’s demise (or 2 if you count my father but don’t worry Dad because I have it all worked out!). The first thing we did was plan to split it with my brothers and mother then pay off our debt and then buy a house. Now we don’t have to move as far away and could afford something closer to both of our families. I also couldn’t get out of my head the fact that I can probably buy a house that has a “Daddy Only” area with a big screen television, kick-ass surround sound system and video games galore! Holy shit…HOLY SHT….HOLY SHIT!!

As the wife and I are calling everyone we knew, I heard a little voice and it sounded like my youngest. He wasn’t walking into the room so the wife and I continued making our phone calls. I heard it again. So I hung-up the phone and was quiet. I heard it clear as a bell….”Daddy, wake-up. You have to make my strawberry milk”.  SON OF A

Daddy....I want my strawberry milk!

BITCH! I never wanted to punch one of my kids before but I certainly did this day! That’s my luck….none at all.

I don’t dream often but I did dream twice in the last week or so. This one I share with you but not the other so go away because I am pissed!

Comments (1)

By Real Dad, May 11, 2010 9:53 pm

This weekend was very busy. We, well the wife, had a lot planned. First it was Nicky’s soccer game early Saturday morning then the carnival my wife has been promising the kids we would go to all week, next would be Jordan’s little birthday party and finally Mother’s Day. The kids were really excited about the carnival most of all and I found out about it Thursday night and didn’t stop hearing about it until Saturday.

Doesn't that look fun?

Ok now a little back story on the carnival. When my kids starting talking about the carnival Thursday night, I immediately asked my wife what carnival are they talking about and where is it. She told me where it was and I told her that it probably wasn’t the best place to bring our kids. See where I live isn’t necessarily the “best” place to be. We live on the border of a not so nice town and every town that borders this town isn’t all that nice either.  I grew up in this town and it used to be nice.  I have wanted to get out for a long time but things haven’t worked out the way I planned…anyway…I told my wife that this carnival will probably be filled with kids wearing red, blue or yellow clothing therefore not a place we should bring our kids. For you people that aren’t “street” (I am not street but trying to sound tough) like I am, those are the colors of various gangs. She told me that I am being overly dramatic. Soooo….

Saturday we woke up and left for Nicky’s soccer game at the “Dust Bowl”. He did great again! He ran up and down the field faster than most and scored 2 goals. That’s 4 goals in 3 games for the kid. The game finished just before the lightning and high winds began so that was good. As soon as that was over we ran home to wash up and go to the carnival. The kids were out of their minds. They kept asking about the carnival and were just being so annoying about the whole thing. As we are getting ready to leave my wife tells me that her friend heard something happened at this carnival. When I asked what it was, my wife responded by telling me that there was a shooting. NO SHIT….a shooting. Click here to read the story “Panic at Bloomfield Carnival After Gunshots”.  So I of course say “I told you” but she wasn’t convinced thinking it would different during the day. I am not sure that she believed her friend. So we pack the kids into the mini-van and head over to the parking lot carnival. There are police, men wearing hard-hats dismantling the rides and carts as well as big trucks all over the place. The kids are now in a full frenzy, frothing at their mouths and wanting their carnival! I lean over and whisper to my wife “They are shut-down; those men are taking it apart”. Her response was “They are just fixing stuff. Go ask them what time they open”.  What? Did I hear that right? Well yes I did! Being the obedient husband that I am, I go and ask a worker. He responded exactly the way that I thought he would: “The police shut it down because there was a shooting here last night”. Ok well there you go! As you can imagine, I was dreading the kid’s reaction and it was every bit as bad as you would think. They screamed, cried, groaned, whined and everything else.

I drive away not knowing what we are going to do because they talked about it all week as it was supposed to be a part of my daughter’s birthday celebration. We drive with no destination, trying to figure out what we are going to do while the kids all cry and scream. In my infinite wisdom, I suggest that we go for some ice cream. My wife doesn’t think it is a good idea so we aimlessly drive some more. After about 15 minutes or so, I just turned around and asked the kids if they wanted ice cream and they said yes! That’s right…..Dad to the rescue! We go to the local spot and enjoy some ice cream.

The Birthday Girl!

Now with order restored, we can home to get ready for the party. It wasn’t a big affair, just my immediate family and hers. We had a nice time and we had the first visit of our 4 month old nephew. The kids were so happy to see him.  Jordan got a ton of presents and ate a lot of candy! It was a long day and tough day but it ended on a high note.

Sunday was just as busy. I woke up with the kids, cooked breakfast so the kids can serve Mommy in bed. I made French Toast and the kids made a fruit salad containing grapes, whole apples and a banana. It was really nice. After the breakfast in bed was served, my wife said she wanted to take the kids to an indoor amusement center. I went online and found 2 within a 30 minute drive.  We choose one and left. The entire ride consisted of the wife getting the kids fired up as she felt bad for the “shoot em up carnival”. As we pull into the lot I point out that it was empty. We thought that was great because we would basically have the place to ourselves. The wife and kids get out of the van so fast and make a bee-line for the door. As I walk up, I see the family standing in the entrance. As I walked to the door I see a sign: “FunPlex is closed for Mother’s Day”. Holy shit! Please tell me this is a joke. We break the news to the kids and what happens? Yes, more screaming and crying. We immediately tell them that we can try another place. We make the 20 minute trip for our next attempt. We pull in the lot and it is clearly open. We basically barged through the door and knocked down people to get in. We spent a couple of hours and had a blast. We played some arcade games together, the kids rode on the bumper cars and we went into a foam ball battlefield. It was a closed structure filled with foam balls and a lot of air-powered guns. It was a hit and the kids were happy.

When we got home, I made dinner while the wife and kids played outside. All in all, it was a good day but I hope next weekend is a little less traumatic!

Comments (5)

By Real Dad, May 2, 2010 8:40 pm

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on ways to improve my life, thus my family’s lives. If you have visited my blog before then you know I have a fourth kid on the way (Introducing #4) and I am struggling with some big decisions and some negative feelings. Knowing all that we are facing in this house, I have been going crazy thinking of little things that would improve my daily quality of life. There are many things that cross my mind throughout the day and if only I was creative and determined, I would try to produce some the prototypes. Here are some of my thoughts.

• Fingerprintless glass
• Walls that shock kids that attempt to draw or write on them
• A refrigerator that punches kids when they open it
• A remote control that works on kids
• Carpeting that actually repels stains
• Toilets that throw whatever it is the kids threw in back in their faces

Great School!

• Bathroom floors that have a French-drain
• Self-cleaning asses – yeah that’s right…asses that clean themselves…
• Noise canceling paint
• Kid’s movies that can only be played 5 times
• Toys that don’t break
• A wife that doesn’t nag – yes….purposely buried in the middle of the list
• A wife that doesn’t complain – yes again buried
• Family that isn’t a pain in the ass
• Food that doesn’t leave crumbs
• Liquids that turn solid if they don’t go directly from cup to mouth
• Candy that makes kids sleepy and/or calm
• Mini-vans with sound proofed partitions
• Child restraints that would not cause immediate incarceration if used
• A law should exist for when kids cause parents enough frustration, the parents would be allowed to leave without fear  of criminal charges or public scrutiny
• A house full of Sandra Bullock, Diane Lane, Halle Berry, Shakira and Nancy Pelosi

The above list is what I can remember but as you can see, I am full of friggin genius. Imagine the possibilities! If you have the money and resources to produce a prototype, be my guest. I will take a percentage as the idea man!

Comments (7)

By Real Dad, January 10, 2010 9:50 pm

Yesterday I was having a twittersation with Ezmomm regarding cleaning products. She mentioned to me that she hates the smell of pine cleaners because it reminds her of the times when she was sick as a youngster and her mother would place a puke bucket next to her bed with Pine Sol at the bottom. I totally related to this as my mother and father did the same thing! It is funny how things happen because today that conversation topic partially played out in my house.

Today started out on a good note, I got to sleep until 7:30 so I was happy about that. I got out of bed and immediately went for the coffee and while I drank my beverage of life, the wife and I discussed the schedule for the day. The plan for me was to get a haircut (never happened), take Nicky to the store to by shin guards, cook chili and watch football. The wife was to take Nicky to his first soccer game then come home and do some laundry. Well it didn’t go down that way. After a little while we notice that our youngest isn’t feeling well. He was cranky and looked a little pale but all of my kids are pale so we didn’t pay it much attention. I ran to the store with Nicky and as soon I came home he was off to his soccer game. When the wife and Nicky walked in the door, I knew something was wrong because he was crying (aren’t I the brilliant and intuitive father?). My wife walks in behind him and said that he just threw up in the van. NICE! So I went outside with my father-in-law to clean the van.

By the time I cleaned the van seat and came back inside, Corey and Jordan were awake. Nicky was lying on the couch and the wife had placed a bucket on the floor next to him (minus the Pine Sol). That is when it all hit me! I started to think of all of the crazy things that my parents did when my brothers and I were sick or hurt. Most of it involves my mother but my father was good for one every now and again. I reflect back.

Don't worry Mom has a cream for that!

My first random memory occurs when I was maybe 6 or 7. We lived in Florida and like every other kid, I fell into a Fire Ant mound. I was covered in ants. My father and uncle heard me screaming and ran out. They picked me up and threw me in the shower. My mother didn’t think it was anything to worry about and she patted me down with calamine lotion but my body had little red bumps and I puffed up like the “Stay Puffed Marshmellow Man”. My father had the wits to take me to the emergency clinic and/or hospital and after a shot or two I turned out ok.

I also remember being  8 years old or so and I fell off of my bike. It didn’t hurt but you can see the bone pushing up under the skin. I walked home holding my arm and saw my mother outside as she was going shopping. I told her that I broke my arm and she asked me to move my fingers.

Move your fingers Mike!

I moved my fingers (remember it was my arm that was broken and not all of my fingers) and she told me to go inside to my father because it wasn’t broken but he can put ice on it. I did what she said and went inside. One look and my father knew it was broken but we had to wait hours before she came home so I can be taken to the hospital.

A couple of years later, I ran into a metal gate and split my forehead open. I had blood running down my face and ran home screaming. I smashed open the door just yelling for my father. I remember my mother in the background somewhere yelling “Oh oh oh oh is he ok? Oh oh oh” while my father tried to assess the damage to my head. I wouldn’t let him see it and I was screaming. He smacked me across the face and told me to calm down. I did and he took me to the hospital for my 40 or so stitches.

There was another time when my brother Marc was around 11 or 12; I think he also fell of his bike and broke his ankle or something. He hobbled into the house and his foot was the size of a football and purple in color. My older brother and I immediately knew it was broken but my mother didn’t agree. She asked Marc to move his toes and he did. Her reply….”If you can move your toes, it isn’t broken”. We tried to convince her to take him to the hospital but she didn’t see the need. A few hours later my father came home and took the poor kid to the hospital.

OOOUCH!

The best story involves my older brother Eddie. He was around 16 and had the entire attic to himself as his bedroom. He was experiencing severe pains in his balls and they swelled up like grapefruits. The story goes (I was sleeping in the other room and had no idea of what was happening) that he crawled down the stairs and went into my parents bedroom. Since my mother was the closest to the door, he approached her with his swollen balls in hand. She rolled over and looked at him, as he was in tears telling her how much it hurt, and told him that he had a stomach ache and he would be fine. He made his way back to his room only to return later to wake up my father. My father immediately ran my brother to the hospital and he had emergency surgery to save his balls. Apparently it is a fairly common thing when a young man’s balls twist up like “Click Clacks” and the doctors knew exactly what they had to do.

I know there is more but these just came to mind quickly. It is truly amazing as I am sure I will do similar things to my kids. Sometimes you just get so numb of the crying and whining that you overlook something potentially serious. At least it provides me with blog content today!

Comments (13)

By Real Dad, January 4, 2010 10:48 pm

Alright, the holidays are over and we are back to the daily grind. I had the last 1.5 weeks off of work and spent every waking second with my family. That isn’t a bad thing but I will say it again, I do not envy stay-at-home parents! My wife decided to be a stay-at-home mom before we had Nicky but planned on returning to work at some point in the near

#4 Baking nicely

future. That didn’t happen because we had a 2nd and 3rd child within a very short time frame. Lately she has been working part-time at night at a local catering hall but I think that has stopped as business hasn’t been good. It really sucks since she found out she was pregnant with #4 right before Thanksgiving! That’s right, ANOTHER BABY!

I know that this whole baby thing is a blessing (or so I hear) but I am really having a hard time with this. We currently have 3 kids that we struggle to provide for. We do not have a fancy place to live, nice furniture (actually we do not have enough furniture to furnish every room), my wife and I do not go out (husband and wife time), we do not socialize with anyone except family, we send 2 of our kids to a private school that we cannot afford because the local schools suck, the wife and I go without buying much needed items such as new clothes, we do not take vacations and having 3 children ages 6, 4 and 3 just eats at your last nerve in general. Now I am not saying that I do not love my family because I certainly do but it isn’t easy and it is not all happy-happy-joy-joy!

We all have our issues and I am sure that I sound like a whining baby and I really don’t care as it is my blog and my rules . My wife and I have had a long-standing disagreement regarding the amount of children we should have. I wanted a vasectomy for several years now but she was against anything so definite. We explored our options and settled on birth control pills but she stopped taking them over the summer (why I am not sure and right now it doesn’t matter). Recently we were a little careless and maybe forgot the whole birth control idea, so we are certainly both culpable and I understand that. Knowing the error of our ways is great but it does not help me with the future of what I have in front of me right now.

How will we afford to raise the newest addition to our family? This isn’t 1910 so I cannot pull Nicky out of school to work in the local factory for 18 hours a day or send Jordan to harvest the crops! I was thinking of pulling straws to

The way it was.......

determine which kid I would sell on the “black market” but I came to the conclusion that

A different time...and not worth repeating

wouldn’t go over well with the general public or law-enforcement officials. I even thought about becoming a pimp and “turning out” the wife but let’s face it, she is pregnant now and after she gives birth she will have to take care of #4. So what am I to do? I guess just the best I can.

I have a feeling that I will get a lot of flak for this post and I am prepared. As I told my wife, I don’t want to hear all of the “Oh this is great” or “What is the difference between 3 kids and 4 kids?”. It isn’t a happy time when you are completely clueless of where the money will come from to raise a family of 4 kids without some type of drastic change. By drastic change I mean pulling my kids out of their school and moving to a place in which the public schools are much better. The problem with that is we have to move far from where we are and my wife has been against being further then a short drive from her parents or my mine. I am also fully aware that some couples struggle to conceive a child and many view children as blessings

Just a little dream!

but we all have our struggles and this is mine. I know this sounds horrible but it is REAL and this is Real Dads Hangout; I tell it like it is! Unless someone jumps out of the corner of the delivery room with television cameras and a giant check with a lot of 0’s, I don’t want to hear it! I will of course fall in love with this baby and do everything I can for him or her and that goes without saying. It is the road that must be traveled by my family that I am a loathing. It will be long and bumpy so I hope we all come out in the end with all of our limbs and our sanity!

BRING IT YOU LIL CHILDREN BASTARDS, BRING IT! DADDY IS READY FOR FRIGGIN WAR!

Comments (10)

By Real Dad, December 15, 2009 11:02 pm

Last week my mother-in-law came over with a book for my kids. The book is called “The Elf on the Shelf”. Apparently this book was a big deal with my wife because she was all excited. I didn’t understand the hoopla and apparently this book is hard to get this time of year. So I sat down with my kids to listen to Uncle Mike read the story.

In a nutshell, the book tells the story of a magical elf that Santa allows to stay in your house. The kids are allowed to name it (ours is Nino) and then it has to be placed somewhere by an adult and adult only. This magical elf just sits there watching the kids every move during the day. At night when everyone is asleep, the elf flies back to Santa and gives him a report on how the kids behaved. The elf then returns to the

Nino wound up in our table top tree today

home, sets up shop in a different location and begins his day time vigil all over again. The story tells the kids that the magical elf is not to be touched by anyone, including parents as this will destroy the elf’s magical ability (smart way to go about it).

Side note: The elf is not real, it cannot fly, it does not report back to Santa and before we go to bed, Carrie moves the elf to its new location.  I just don’t want to get any of your hopes up, so I wanted to just clarify the facts because I almost believed the hype myself. I thought this was genius. I understand that this is not a new concept but to me it was because I never heard of it. I was so damn excited because I really thought to myself that this would give us a break from the normal craziness of our lovable children.

The kids were so excited they made Uncle Chris read the book to them as well. After that, they each took turns looking at the book and we then placed Nino on the one piece of furniture in our dining room, the out of place bookshelf. There he sat with a dopey look on his face, watching my kids and they were certainly on their best behavior. I was so happy and I thought that this may actually work. Nicky was outstanding and kept saying to Jordan and Corey “Nino is watching”. It was great! Corey didn’t get it, as he is only 3 years old but every time he acted up both Jordan and Nicky would say “Nino is watching”. Wondeful! The kids all went to bed without a hitch and the next morning they were all ecstatic about finding where Nino settled for the day. They found him hanging on a curtain rod.  I was really impressed with the results. It was amazing.

After a few days of great behavior, Saturday we began to see some of Jordan’s typical behavior.  Carrie and I would just remind her that The Elf on the Shelf, Nino, is watching and she would immediately snap out of it. Now she isn’t a bad kid by any means but she is stubborn, defiant and just plain old tough…..oh and bossy too. Anyway, while Jordan and Nicky were in the kitchen,

It's Christmas time so I threw this in..the kids decorated it tonight

things got quiet…..to quiet. I hear Jordan whisper “Nino can’t see me in here”.  That is when my hopes were smashed!  I knew that this Nino character wouldn’t mean anything to her and I was right! The last few days have been tough as Jordan pays no attention to the fact that Nino is somewhere in the house.  I told Jordan a story of a cousin of mine. When my cousin was a little girl, maybe 6 or so, she awoke on Christmas morning to find coal in her stocking. Apparently Santa didn’t think her behavior was worthy of receiving presents on Christmas so he filled her stocking with coal (true story…hahahaha my Aunt is a pisser….I know I know what a horrible thing to do to a young child but I still cannot help myself and I laugh whenever I hear that story. Just to calm you down, I will tell you that my cousin ran up the stairs to her room and threw the coal out of her window. When my Aunt and Uncle were able to get her out of her room, she went down stairs to a tree surrounded by lots of presents! So it did turn out to be a merry Christmas for her). Do you think this story had any effect on my daughter even after I reminded her that Nino tells Santa everyday how she behaved? Well let me answer that for you…..IT DIDN’T! Nino has certainly made a positive impact with Nicky and Corey so not all is lost. I just had so much hope that Nino would be my savior, the answer to my prayers. I am mildly disappointed.

I still think the concept is great! So if anyone gets this book, or already has it, please let me know how it works for you. Just don’t rub it in if it works that well for you.

Comments (16)

By Real Dad, December 6, 2009 11:00 pm

Lately fatherhood has meant one thing: ILLNESS! This latest round started on Thanksgiving with Nicky breaking out with “Pink Eye”. Right before we sat down for dinner, my brother noticed goop in Nicky’s eye. It quickly become a night of non-stop removal of eye goop. Other than the eye, he was fine. Although we have all been battling a little cold since

Neither of my sons but you get the gross point!

the beginning on November, nothing big broke out at this point.

Friday after Thanksgiving, Nicky wakes up with “Pink Eye” in his other eye! I felt bad for the kid but I couldn’t stop thinking to myself, fatherhood sucks sometimes! The goop was just oozing out consistently and of course it was Daddy’s job to clean it. The doctor called in a prescription for eye drops and I had to put them in every two hours. We got through the day without any major issues. Carrie went off to work and I put the kids in bed. Just a few hours later, Jordan-Rose wakes up crying and saying that her ears hurt….holy shit! What the hell do I do for an ear ache at 10:30 at night? I dug deep into the “Fatherhood when Mommy isn’t Home Manual” and decided to give her Motrin (for the pain) and Benedryl (to knock her out…. for my sake). It worked and within a few minutes she was back to sleep. A trip to the doctor the next day confirmed, a double ear infection with one ear being in bad shape. She was now prescribed an antibiotic and some thick ear drops.

Now we are up to Saturday and everything is going the way it should. We are putting the drops in Nicky’s eyes every two hours and putting the drops in Jordan’s ears every four hours. By mid-day they both seemed  to be getting much

I just thought this image was cool!

better and Corey was as good as could be. His cold finally seemed to be on the way out and I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Night time comes and we hear some coughing. Carrie and I mute the television only to hear Corey in an uncontrollable coughing fit! She gets him out of bed to give him some medicine and lets him use his puffer. These coughing fits continue through the night until he woke up for good at 3:00 am!

Sunday was pretty uneventful and both Nicky and Jordan were much better. The eye goop seemed to have stopped and Jordan said her ears didn’t hurt. Corey was coughing here and there but nothing like the night before. However since Corey has had a history of lung issues (nothing serious) we were cautious. Corey always seems to get some type of infection that settles in his lungs and he is usually the child on prednisone in our house so we kept our guard up. That night he immediately started coughing when he was sleeping and again he was up at 3:00 am. I woke up with him and we watched cartoons until I got dressed for work and believe me; work was a welcomed break from this germ infested home!

When I came home from work late Monday night (somewhere around 8:00 or so), Carrie tells me that Corey now has “Pink Eye” in both eyes! HOLY FRIGGIN SHIT! Can’t we ever catch a break? Seriously?  Fatherhood didn’t seem so bad during the making of these children. It is certainly false advertising and I am filing a protest somewhere. I don’t know where I am filing this protest but sex should not be so good and so well hyped. I think I should go on a speaking tour of high schools across the country just telling the youth of America that children suck sometimes and god punishes you with goopy eyes, hurting ears, coughing kids, runny noses and dirty asses for years and years! I gotta tell ya, that 30 seconds of ecstasy I bestowed upon my wife has it’s drawbacks. And I am not bragging as that 30 seconds is a grand total for all three kids!

Sorry. Now we have “Pink Eye” in the four eyes of two kids, 2 aching ears and coughing. By the end of the night on Monday, Carrie and I are not felling well. FATHERHOOD sucks! I was never sick before I had kids and I mean I couldn’t remember a time when I was sick before kids unless I went back to grammar school or middle school.

Tuesday rolls in and out and everything seems better for the kids but Carrie and I felt like crap. We probably had a touch of the flu because we both had fevers, she had the chills. Wednesday was a much better day for me and I just plowed through my day at work only to return home to a double relapse of “Pink Eye” for Nicky and Corey. Come on folks, you cannot make this stuff up.

Fast-forward to today. The boys eyes are much better, Jordan is back to her stubborn and bossy self but Corey is still coughing a little. Carrie is going to call the doctor tomorrow. We care confident that he will want us to give him prednisone so I am sure Corey will be bouncing off of the walls tomorrow but that will be another story.

If you are the father of multiple children, this is nothing new to you. If you are thinking of being a father or are the father of one child, take my experiences and think before you poke. Fatherhood means many things and most of them are wonderful but for me, the last 1.5 weeks came down to this: “Fatherhood means someone is always sick!”

Comments (7)

By Real Dad, November 22, 2009 11:06 pm

This weekend Mommy went camping with Nicky and the Tiger Cubs. Yes…I said Mommy (my wife) went and not Daddy. A month or so ago at a Tiger Cub den meeting, the Pack Leaders were signing up participants for the camping

Real Moms Go Camping when Real Dads Cannot (she still wore her earrings)

adventure and I purposely did not sign-up. My reasoning was two-fold: first, I had to work and would not be able to switch with someone else and second, I have sleep apnea and would not have anywhere to plug-in the super sexy CPAP machine I wear to be each night. After the den meeting, the pack held a Halloween Trunk or Treat extravaganza in the parking lot. Needless to say, my wife over hears people talking about the camping trip and eagerly signs-up my son and me. A few minutes later she tells me how excited my son is to go camping and I break the news to her about working and reminded her that I have a sleep disorder and I wear a mask, not only for the sex appeal but also to protect myself from dying. What is a good mommy to do?…..go camping with her son!

For the last month my wife has dreaded this weekend. I was constantly reminded of how much of an ass I am and how wonderful she is for subjecting herself to such misery in the great outdoors of northwestern New Jersey. What am I to say because it is true? So Friday night she packs all of the stuff together and early Saturday morning they head out; Jordan was with my mother and Corey with her father and I worked.

Nicky had a great time. They went on a long hike, fishing (he didn’t like that so much because he said it was boring), sat by a camp fire, told ghost stories and just had lots of fun. Mommy called me late last night telling how she and the only other mother on the trip were trying to talk the boys into leaving last night but the kids weren’t buying it. Mommy was stuck to endure the night in a cabin with an outhouse to support her toilet needs…hahahaha.

She took the opportunity to leave at the first sign of day light. She couldn’t wait and I don’t blame her one bit. It took a lot for my wife to do this and I have to give her a ton of credit. She is not an outdoor kinda woman and hates the cold

Real Sons Try Fishing

but she did it for our son. This is more then I can say because even if I didn’t have to work or have sleep apnea, I would not have signed-up for this.

I would like to say that I just have it like that and send my wife on camping trips in my place but the truth is this:

I have a job that requires too much of my time, I am a fat shit and suffer from sleep apnea and she is not as selfish as I am.

Comments (13)

By Real Dad, November 1, 2009 12:08 pm

This may just be me if I looked in a mirror right now!

How many fathers out there feel inadequate in their “providing” for the family? This is something I have struggled with myself for quite a while now. I understand in our generation that many mommies are the larger of the financial providers and in many cases the sole provider, so maybe they understand as well.

I am not sure of where I get my old fashion belief that it is my sole duty to provide everything needed for my family and that my income should be enough to do it all without my wife having to work but I it is how I feel. Growing up in my house for the majority of my youth, my mother’s career provided the stable income and in many cases the only income. My father was often between jobs and in many cases, especially later in his life, he did whatever he had to do to bring home a paycheck. He worked many low level jobs just to have some type of income being brought into the home which I truly respect but he could not be counted on for bringing home a steady check. I guess I am providing my own psychoanalysis here huh?

Early in October, I wrote about being a father that has lost all sense of manhood but I am fine with all of that. As I forge ahead in life, I am truly bothered by not being able to provide enough for my family to have all that it deserves. My kids deserve to go to a good school which we do not have here at the public level so we send 2 of them to private school. My family deserves a big home with a large back yard and a play-set but instead we rent a place in a two-family home. My wife and I deserve to go on vacation without kids (we never had a honeymoon) and we both deserve to buy clothes and other things whenever we want but instead we (meaning the wife and kids) mooch off of family members and spend a week with them just to get out of our home and call it a vacation. My wife deserves to have a husband that provides enough so that she doesn’t have to work on weekends however she does need some time away from the kids as she chooses not to work during the week in order to be with the kids. I deserve to to own a large plasma television with the latest surround sound set-up but instead I have a small LCD T.V. with an old surround sound system. My wife deserves to get her nails done once a week or twice a month (whatever it is that is required) along with the periodic massage, as she used to do before we had kids.

I have a good job and hold a nice position within the company. I earn a decent salary (although I have made less and less over the past 3 years) with health benefits, have a company car, a 401-K, vacation time, unlimited sick time and the flexibility at times to go in late and/or leave early. My wife and kids love me and everyone is healthy. My family is happy for the most part and we are always there for each other. We do not skip or pay our bills late and never wonder if we will have enough money to buy food. I am just a father that thinks his children deserve everything and a husband that feels his wife should want for nothing. So why do I feel like we deserve all of this? I am not sure but I do! I do not understand were my feelings of entitlement come from but I have to do better just to remind myself of what I do have. I see and hear of many people that do not possess a fraction of what we have. As we know, many people are without jobs and cannot afford to see a doctor or do not know where their next meal is coming from.

So who the hell am I to complain?!?!

Ok enough of this crap… Corey (my 3 year old son) is running around wearing a Dorothy costume complete with ruby slippers, Jordan is wearing his Buzz Lightyear costume and Nicky is yelling at both of them! FRIGGIN KIDS!