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By Real Dad, November 1, 2009 12:08 pm

This may just be me if I looked in a mirror right now!

How many fathers out there feel inadequate in their “providing” for the family? This is something I have struggled with myself for quite a while now. I understand in our generation that many mommies are the larger of the financial providers and in many cases the sole provider, so maybe they understand as well.

I am not sure of where I get my old fashion belief that it is my sole duty to provide everything needed for my family and that my income should be enough to do it all without my wife having to work but I it is how I feel. Growing up in my house for the majority of my youth, my mother’s career provided the stable income and in many cases the only income. My father was often between jobs and in many cases, especially later in his life, he did whatever he had to do to bring home a paycheck. He worked many low level jobs just to have some type of income being brought into the home which I truly respect but he could not be counted on for bringing home a steady check. I guess I am providing my own psychoanalysis here huh?

Early in October, I wrote about being a father that has lost all sense of manhood but I am fine with all of that. As I forge ahead in life, I am truly bothered by not being able to provide enough for my family to have all that it deserves. My kids deserve to go to a good school which we do not have here at the public level so we send 2 of them to private school. My family deserves a big home with a large back yard and a play-set but instead we rent a place in a two-family home. My wife and I deserve to go on vacation without kids (we never had a honeymoon) and we both deserve to buy clothes and other things whenever we want but instead we (meaning the wife and kids) mooch off of family members and spend a week with them just to get out of our home and call it a vacation. My wife deserves to have a husband that provides enough so that she doesn’t have to work on weekends however she does need some time away from the kids as she chooses not to work during the week in order to be with the kids. I deserve to to own a large plasma television with the latest surround sound set-up but instead I have a small LCD T.V. with an old surround sound system. My wife deserves to get her nails done once a week or twice a month (whatever it is that is required) along with the periodic massage, as she used to do before we had kids.

I have a good job and hold a nice position within the company. I earn a decent salary (although I have made less and less over the past 3 years) with health benefits, have a company car, a 401-K, vacation time, unlimited sick time and the flexibility at times to go in late and/or leave early. My wife and kids love me and everyone is healthy. My family is happy for the most part and we are always there for each other. We do not skip or pay our bills late and never wonder if we will have enough money to buy food. I am just a father that thinks his children deserve everything and a husband that feels his wife should want for nothing. So why do I feel like we deserve all of this? I am not sure but I do! I do not understand were my feelings of entitlement come from but I have to do better just to remind myself of what I do have. I see and hear of many people that do not possess a fraction of what we have. As we know, many people are without jobs and cannot afford to see a doctor or do not know where their next meal is coming from.

So who the hell am I to complain?!?!

Ok enough of this crap… Corey (my 3 year old son) is running around wearing a Dorothy costume complete with ruby slippers, Jordan is wearing his Buzz Lightyear costume and Nicky is yelling at both of them! FRIGGIN KIDS!

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By Real Dad, October 18, 2009 10:13 pm

So yesterday was a planned day of family fun! Carrie wanted to take the kids to the Halloween party thrown at a local high school. All of Nicky’s close school friends were going to be there. So we dressed the kids in their Halloween costumes and I have to say they looked great, especially Jordan as Dorothy. Corey was running around the house just

Look at those happy faces!...but not for long...w

yelling “I have Buzz” and Nicky was swinging his imaginary light saber (we didn’t want to let him have the one he will use on Halloween because he would lose it) and repeating “I killed you”. It was going to be a fun day. Can you smell the sarcasm?

So we got to the school and met with the other parents and just watched our kids go crazy. There was a ton of coloring books, markers, paints and a pumpkin patch for them to play with along with cookies which I took full advantage of! For the last 30 minutes the kids were enthralled with the magician and Jordan got to yell at 10 year olds for wearing masks that were to scary. I was happy because we all got to sit for a bit and my wife had a few laughs supplied by the magician. At the end of the party an announcement was made that we can all attend the Haunted House that was put together by the high school kids. Carrie immediately wanted to take the kids and I told her it was a bad idea and she insisted that it would not be scary.

We walked down the street to the Community Center only to stand in line for 40 minutes in the rain. As we were standing there, a few parents came out saying they thought it was a little to scary for little kids but my wife shrugged it off. Once inside we were asked to pay $3.00 per person and stepped into a spooky living room. While we were waiting in the room my kids started to explore and found a high school kid hiding behind a black curtain (he was an integral part of the opening scene of course) and began to tell everyone that there was a big kid back there. Micky and Mini soon entered the room and told the kids they wanted to read them a story. While reading the book the lights went off and when they turned on again the book was missing! Do you know took it? Well my kids did! So began the hunt through the house for the missing story book.

The next room contained a bunch of kids walking around in zombie make-up. None of them said anything but they just stared at the kids and walked around the room. There was another Disney character there but I know who it was supposed to be but it was a Disney theme. Isn’t that nice?….scare the hell out of little kids with Disney characters. So now Corey and Jordan start to get a little scared and start clenching my hand. We ran from that room as per Mini’s instructions and headed into the basement. As we rounded the turn on the stairs, a hand came out from the conspicuously placed hanging sheet. My kids all screamed and Jordan began to say she wanted out! At the bottom of the stairs and around a corner was a kid dressed as Captain Hook. He popped out and scared the crap out of all of my kids and wouldn’t stop scarring my daughter. Carrie of course yelled at him and closed the black curtain right in his face. At this point Jordan and Corey are in full hysterics. Carrie is now carrying Corey and I am holding Jordan’s hand and dragging Nicky on my leg. There was a room with a Genie and a nasty guard and some ghosts but we left that room in a hurry. In the next room was a bunch of kids hiding under a table trying to grab the kids legs while the Mad Hatter ran around screaming and yelling. Again we rush out of that room into the next and my wife had enough. She yelled “Is there a way out of here because my kids are crying!” Carrie and Corey quickly left the room through a side door and I soon followed with Jordan. Nicky stayed to finish the tour with this friends and their parents.

It was bad! Corey and Jordan were crying for 10 minutes after getting out of the building and they talked about it for the rest of the night. Nicky tried to play it off as if he wasn’t scarred but he later admitted that he was. I knew we were in for a long night and I was right. Corey and Jordan couldn’t stay asleep and woke up multiple times telling us how scarred they were. You can bet your ass that we will not be doing that again for a long time! I am glad I have this blog because I can document for all time that I was right when I told my wife that we should go to the Haunted House!

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By Real Dad, September 18, 2009 10:19 pm

Last week my wife came home after spending a weekend with the kids at a relative’s house and once the kids went to bed, she announced a revelation of sorts to me. She told me that she felt that she was too easy on the kids and that I have become numb to the point in which I do not react (meaning be a parent). This came after she realized that the kids get away with far too much misbehaving, including not listening to either of us and acting out of control. I am not sure of exactly what brought this major change about but I was not going to question why she felt this way, as this is the way I have felt for some time!

So we began the following:

• None of the kids are allowed to leave the kitchen table until all of us have eaten
• Once we put them down to bed, they are not allowed to come out of their rooms or talk to each other from the doorway
• They get one warning and if they continue the inappropriate behavior we send them to a long time out (longer than the 1 min per year of age rule she has followed for the last 3 years or so)
• If they break the rules we set forth they do not get their desert, cannot watch television (we have certain times of the day in which we allow them to watch a show or two), they do not get to play with their favorite toy or other such suitable type punishment for the crime
  

  All for One and One for All!

I know that these are things that may sound automatic to most or at least some parents but Carrie and I have had a fundamental difference in our parenting techniques. If it were my way it would be something like this:

• When I say no I mean NO and for the most part they do not deserve a reason. On some occasions a reason may be warranted but it is age and instance specific
• Not everything in our house is for them to play with
• I do not have to spend every minute in the presence of the kids when I am home
• Rules and boundaries have to be established early
• The kids must put the current toy away before taking out another toy

Her way would be something like this:

• No is not something that should be said often and kids often need to be given a reason so that they comprehend why you may say no
• It is not a big deal to let the kids play with something if it is not going to hurt them or others
• Being a parent means spending as much time as you can with them when they are young and want your attention because one day they will not want it
• A house with kids is supposed to have toys all over
• Rules and boundaries have to be loose and can be changed on a case by case basis

As you can imagine, Carrie thinks that I am too strict and I think she is too easy. Over time we have let our house become a zoo. The kids don’t listen, run around like maniacs and do not respect property or material items. Now let it be known that Nicky, Jordan-Rose and Corey are great kids. They are sweet, friendly (most of the time) and have great manners. What has been allowed to happen in our home is equally our fault, from a parenting perspective. We let many things get in the way and we choose the easier way to deal with things which was to not deal with them at all, in most cases.

Carrie is in a tough situation and I respect her and love her dearly for what she goes through on a daily basis. She is home alone for 10-12 hours with 3 small children while I work. By the time I come home from work, the kids are either just getting ready for bed or already in bed. The majority of the parenting lies on her however we are their parents equally. Carrie has made some changes to her parenting technique and the benefits are already showing in the kid’s behavior. It also helps that Nicky is at school all day and Jordan-Rose attends Pre-K 3x per week for 3 hours each time. Bedtime is much less hectic and once they go to bed, they have been staying there and she has been telling me that dinner is much calmer and becoming a pleasure rather than a chore.

Now I have to work on being a little less uptight and more involved in the daily lives of my family. How I will accomplish this is the dilemma since my job requires a lot of my time. I guess for now, I will follow my wife’s lead as I clearly see a difference in the kids just after one week!

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By Real Dad, September 4, 2009 9:29 pm

Here it is folks, the last weekend of summer. A time for family to spend one more weekend  grilling. This week has been a tremendously tough one and the weekend is eagerly anticipated! This past week I transferred to the company headquarters (60 miles away), worked at least 10 hours each day and Carrie had a difficult week with the kids which included Corey having a tooth extracted. Ouch! He was restrained and given gas to sedate him so it turned out not as horrific as my wife thought it would be. In this case, it paid off having sleep apnea because she told Corey the mask at the dentist is just like the one Daddy wears to bed. He bought it however this Daddy wishes his mask was like the one Corey used at the dentist! I wish I had a funny video to show everyone of how “stoned” he was but I wasn’t there and Carrie doesn’t think like me….sorry.

I am hoping the weather holds up this weekend as our weekend is planned to be spent in Long Island with my wife’s family. Lil’ Papa took Nicky and Jordy with him yesterday so we are meeting them tomorrow after I do somethings around the house. There is just not enough time during the week!

Next week is school…..YEH! I cannot wait for school. I already posted my feelings on the start of school so I will not say it all again but the feelings are bitter sweet. I will be broke and penniless soon as my kids go to private school and we cannot afford it by any means but my wife will get a break which means I get a break. I will let you read between those lines.

The school system in my town sucks for the most part and the district I live in has the worst school therefore we refuse to send my son there. We have to get out of this town but will not be able to do it any time soon. We made a request to the board of education asking them to allow my son to attend another school and we were refused so we kept him in the catholic school. Hopefully we can swing one more year but now Jordan is enrolled in Pre-K classes…shoot me now! We may be living in a cardboard box soon but if I still have my notebook and I can find a semi-clean alley behind a wi-fi location, I will be happy. Oh yeah…..as long as I have my wife and kids too! Was that believable?

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By Real Dad, August 31, 2009 11:05 pm

This weekend I took the kids to my mom’s house for dinner. Carrie stayed home for a bit since she wasn’t feeling well. My brother was there cleaning his extremely dirty car and listening to music. So of course my kids had to take over and pretend to drive. They had a blast! However I think my mother’s neighbors hate my kids since they did nothing by honk the horn. They honked with their hands, feet, elbows, knees, fingers and heads.

I think my head will implode if I hear another horn myself!

Holy Crap! The 3 yr old is at the wheel!!

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By Real Dad, August 23, 2009 11:43 pm

Have you ever taken a vacation with your family only to desire another vacation just to unwind? That is exactly how I feel tonight! Carrie and I just returned from a family vacation at the beach and I am whipped. We had a lot of fun in many regards but the effort that went into it is truly exhausting. Being a father on vacation with the family isn’t necessarily a relaxing time.

Lugging 3 small children and everything that goes into it to the beach is something I HATE to do. I was never fond of the beach but before children it was tolerable. Now I HATE IT! I keep reminding myself that I have to do it for my kids but I cannot help but loathe every second. After all, it was 95 degrees, humid, very windy and the surf was extremely rough. Nicky and Corey were at the water’s edge the entire time. I was standing on guard, ensuring that they didn’t get sweep away in the strong rip tide while my wife sat with Jordan-Rose who was playing in the sand. I am not a “worry wart” (I leave that to my wife) but while the boys were laughing, running back and forth to waters edge and throwing sand, I was worried about one of them getting swept away by a strong wave break and not being able to get to them in time. It is a scary thought but realistic given the strength of the ocean. When the kids did sit down, it was nothing but complaining about the sand stuck to their feet and hands or the wind blowing sand in their face. Then as one built a sand castle, or as I like to call it a bucket mold of sand, the others would knock it down and laugh. Oh and I cannot forget the cries: “I have to go pee-pee!”.  Yes….I made them pee in the water; I wasn’t walking all the way up the beach to the bathroom!

After 4.5 hours this father called it quits. So now it is time to pack up all of the chairs, the coolers, towels, blankets, toys, kids and garbage and make the long trek through the sand and across the parking lot to our mini-van (ugh). This is when we noticed that my wife was so frantic about the reapplication of sun screen for the kids that she forgot to put it on herself and wound up with a serious sun burn on the right side of her body.

After a brief nap at my mother’s house we headed out to the board-walk. Thank god for grandparents because my mother paid for all of their rides! The kids really had a blast on the rides but it was not without some drama. Nicky wanted to go on rides the others didn’t want to go on or couldn’t because of height requirements and some crying followed. It was hot and humid and we were all cranky. My wife asked me to get her a slushy and when I can back with the wrong drink she was mad. She made what I say was a nasty comment and I returned that volley with the drink being slammed into the closet garbage can. Meanwhile there was 7 other family members present that may have benefited from the ice cold refreshment but I didn’t care at that moment. SORRY everyone! So now Carrie and I are pissed at each other but we continued our walk up and down the board-walk with a 1 hour stop over in the arcade. I was partnered up with Nicky so that we can both play some games while Carrie and the other family members took turns with Jordan and Corey. Some how I get stuck dragging two damn strollers through the arcade, never-mind the fact that I am with the 1 kid that doesn’t sit in a stroller!! How does that happen?

The next day my wife and mother took the kids to the pool while I spent 3.5 hours cleaning out the van. The van is over a year old and was NEVER washed. I won’t mention that my wife promised to periodically bring it to the car wash. I think I vacuumed up enough crumbs to make 12 cakes or 100 cookies. There was even stains on the roof liner from the flinging of drinks! I removed close to a dozen straws, some type of partially eaten fruit, several crushed cups and what I hope was melted chocolate from between 2 seats. The kids finger prints were on everything and my wife’s toe prints were all over the windshield, as she puts her feet up and sleeps on long rides. I think I lost 10 lbs trying to get this done before I had to go to the pool to pick-up everyone.

All in all it was a great time but tiring. Maybe next time I will take a few extra days, not tell Carrie and stay in a cheap hotel to recuperate! All of you new fathers…TAKE NOTE! This is how it is when you have multiple children very close in age….but I did have a lot of fun too!

Corey not sure what to think of this ride and Jordan having a blast

Nicky and Jordan laughing it up while Grandma ensures Corey's safety in the back

Gotta keep those airways open

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By Real Dad, August 18, 2009 10:14 pm

I must start by saying: Carrie and I are terrible parents! We spent the entire day with the kids and my father-in-law (Lil’ Papa) at an amusement park/water park and I took only 1 picture and it was with my Blackberry! Ok…that being said…

We started off the day by getting ready with the usual things:

• Dressing the kids
• Making sandwiches
• Running to the store for bottled water, ice, cigarettes (AHHHHH yes we both smoke!) and tampons
• Packing the cooler
• Packing the mini-van
• Yes – I did say tampons up there and YES I BOUGHT THEM! I even picked out the flavor scent type. Apparently, Carrie uses pads but since we were going to a water park, tampons were a better fit (no pun intended). Using my man brain, I picked out some sporty people tampon for women on the move. Of course when I got home she asked way I picked this kind because she apparently needed a super absorbent type. What the hell do I know? I was all proud of myself because I picked the sporty kind, figuring that she would be on the move all day…oh well back to my list…SORRY
• Spraying sunscreen on the kids (for the 1 hour car ride – that wasn’t my call)
• Loading the kids in the van
• Getting gas
• And finally on our way

It was really a great time. The kids loved the little rides as did Lil’ Papa and I in some cases! Corey (3yrs old) was pretty much fearless all day. He went on some rides including a small roller-coaster.  Jordan-Rose (4yrs old) was good too and she is usually the tough one. Nicky (6yrs old) was his typical self, easy and periodically annoying.  It was pretty much all of the usual for an amusement park but the kiddie pool was the highlight being it was 90 and extremely humid. Since Carrie was with her “friend”, she didn’t want to go in the pool and Nicky was with Lil’ Papa doing the water slides.  So I have Jordy and Corey. We ran into the pool and walked around (it is on 18″ high) for a bit. They went on all of the slides and play things in the pool. Before long Carrie was in the pool; the heat was kickin her ass! Soon after that we were joined by Nicky and Lil’ Papa.

It was really fun except for the 10 minutes I couldn’t find Jordy! Before Carrie came in I was with the younger ones and Jordy wanted to do a lot more then Corey, so she ran off. I thought I had my eye on her but when I turned to help Corey, I lost sight of her. I eventually found her and went about our fun. Pretty friggin scary to lose a kid in an amusement park, let me tell you. Anyway, a good part of my time in the pool was spent sitting and getting pushed around by Corey. He was hysterical every time he knocked me over. Then somehow I was left to watch Nicky and HE DISAPPEARED TOO! Ok…that wasn’t good but it turns out he was with Lil’ Papa….2 close calls! Back to sitting down in the pool so Corey can knock me down.

So I am sitting in the middle of the pool playing with Corey and hundreds of kids and parents are walking or swimming by every second. All of a sudden my view was blocked by a rather LARGE woman wearing a bikini with more skin tags then I would like to have seen. I was annoyed but figured she would move since she was no further then 10 inches from the large 250 lb. guy sitting in the water playing with his kid. Nope, oblivious to me and Corey. She just stood there for a bit and slowly turned; now her ass is in my face! Ok that is enough! I grab Corey and walk about 10 feet away and plop back down again. Within seconds she is in front of me again. This time her crotch is in my face. I don’t know what was going on but it looked like she was smuggling popcorn into the pool in her bikini bottom. Short and curleys were popping out all over the place. Needless to say, I got out of the pool.  Duh…what else do you do besides puke in the pool?

We all left the pool to go on some more rides and to get some ice cream. We found a nice spot in some shade to sit and ate our ice cream and cotton candy. Right in front of us was a little theater. They hold little shows for kids throughout the day and one was starting in 10 minutes. Right before show time, a young woman asked if my daughter would like to participate and she of course said yes. When asked if she wanted to be a fairly or knight she responded, without hesitation, that she wanted to be a knight (how fitting). It was great. She did a wonderful job and we didn’t catch on bit of it with a camera or video camera! Then we left the amusement park.

LOL….

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By Real Dad, August 16, 2009 12:14 am

Since I entered fatherhood on July 23, 2003, I have thought back a lot to my childhood. I always saw my father as larger then life. I never looked at him as a person; he was my dad. He was the guy that taught me things, played with me, helped me, yelled at me, punished me (and I deserved the yelling and the punishments), hugged me and kissed me. I never thought about: what he liked to do, what kind of music he listened to, who his friends were and/or his childhood. He was just DAD!

I look at pictures from when I was a kid and I see my father then I say to myself “Holy crap! I am older then he was in this picture!” and I say that often. I get nostalgic and remember the times when my father was the top of the line; you just couldn’t get any better then that. As I grew older, I of course got to know him as a person and still saw the wonderful things but also had been given an insight into the not so wonderful. You know, the things that make us human.

Being a 35 year old father of 3, I look within myself. I remember being a kid and wanting to go fishing with my father, play Track-Ball (DO ANY OF YOU REMEMBER THAT?) with him and just looking up to him in every way. And I ask, How did he feel about himself?

My father, my son Corey (the youngest), and mother - taken about 1 week before my father died

I was not a perfect child and had my share of trouble. I listened to heavy metal (and still do!), had an awful mullet, wore flannel shirts and work boots, smoked and drank a few things I probably shouldn’t have at a young age, strolled in at 6:30 am after a night partying with the guys, hurt people’s feelings, lied to my parents, lied to some girlfriends but not my wife of course, and all of those other things that most guys do when they are young. I also wasted a lot of money on needless things, worked a few jobs that sucked, owned a few cool cars, was close friends with a lot of people I really do not see or talk to anymore and miss much of the freedom I once had.

None of these things matter to my kids. To them I am dad but all of those things make me the dad they know. I am the best man they know. I am the one they look up to and I am the one they see as “larger then life” just as I did with my father. I can still be all of those things I mentioned above but now, before all of that, I AM DAD!

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By Real Dad, August 13, 2009 7:52 pm

Hello everyone! I appreciate that you stopped by. I hope you find this blog informative and entertaining as I will shoot straight about the good, bad and ugly of fatherhood and marriage. I have not seen many blogs that I could connect with relating these topics so I figured why not start my own.

My wife Carrie and I have 3 kids:

• Nicholas (Nicky) – 6 years old, very sensitive and also the quiet instigator
• Jordan-Rose (Jordy) – 4 years old, cute as a button but defiant, strong and a “handful” in many ways
• Corey (Cor-Cor) – 3 years old, sweet, funny, kind and often on the receiving end of the others debauchery but he is stating to give it back

Our house is loving but often hectic and filled with the sounds of raised voices, kids singing, dancing, stomping, yelling, fighting and everything else you can imagine. I am sure many of you will be able to relate with the content about to come your way!

Check back soon or subscribe because I have a lot to share!