Comments (4)

By Real Dad, June 14, 2010 9:15 pm

Last week I received a call from the wife while I was at work. In her message she told me that I received a certified letter and had to go to the post office to retrieve it.  I didn’t think much of it and certainly didn’t rush to the Post Office to get it. Finally after two (2) days of the wife busting my stones, I left work early enough to make it to the post office. The letter was from an attorney’s office in Knoxville, Tennessee. I came home and put the letter on top of the refrigerator thinking it couldn’t be a good thing, so why open it?

Later that night my wife yells my name and tells me to hurry into the kitchen. She was reading the letter. In short the letter told me that I was left $750,000 by a relative of my late father. This money was meant for him when this

It is raining money!!

relative died but since my father died first, the money goes to me. I never heard of this relative but my father wasn’t close with his family and only talked about a handful of them. My heart was pounding so hard but my wife didn’t believe it for one moment because I have two brothers and there was no mention of either of them. I immediately called my mother to ask about this relative and she told me that she vaguely remembered someone by that name but wasn’t sure. I immediately visited the website of the law firm. It seemed legit and they have been in business for 100 years or some shit. I then performed an internet search for law firms in Knoxville and this firm ranked 1^st. HOLY SHIT!

In the morning I called the firm, as they asked me to do in the letter and I asked for the attorney that sent the letter. I left a message with her assistant and within 30 minutes she returned my call and reiterated everything in the letter. She told me that after signing some papers, I can have a bank check sent to me or have the money deposited directly into my account! HOLY SHIT AGAIN!!! She told me that she would over-night the paperwork and I should return it as soon as possible. I also asked her why my brothers were not mentioned and she said she didn’t know.

I sat there with my wife in amazement. Hell…we are in some debt (not much by most accounts but debt nonetheless), live in an apartment and have a 4^th child on the way. This money is just an unbelievable stroke of luck however the direct result of someone else’s demise (or 2 if you count my father but don’t worry Dad because I have it all worked out!). The first thing we did was plan to split it with my brothers and mother then pay off our debt and then buy a house. Now we don’t have to move as far away and could afford something closer to both of our families. I also couldn’t get out of my head the fact that I can probably buy a house that has a “Daddy Only” area with a big screen television, kick-ass surround sound system and video games galore! Holy shit…HOLY SHT….HOLY SHIT!!

As the wife and I are calling everyone we knew, I heard a little voice and it sounded like my youngest. He wasn’t walking into the room so the wife and I continued making our phone calls. I heard it again. So I hung-up the phone and was quiet. I heard it clear as a bell….”Daddy, wake-up. You have to make my strawberry milk”.  SON OF A

Daddy....I want my strawberry milk!

BITCH! I never wanted to punch one of my kids before but I certainly did this day! That’s my luck….none at all.

I don’t dream often but I did dream twice in the last week or so. This one I share with you but not the other so go away because I am pissed!

Comments (1)

By Real Dad, May 11, 2010 9:53 pm

This weekend was very busy. We, well the wife, had a lot planned. First it was Nicky’s soccer game early Saturday morning then the carnival my wife has been promising the kids we would go to all week, next would be Jordan’s little birthday party and finally Mother’s Day. The kids were really excited about the carnival most of all and I found out about it Thursday night and didn’t stop hearing about it until Saturday.

Doesn't that look fun?

Ok now a little back story on the carnival. When my kids starting talking about the carnival Thursday night, I immediately asked my wife what carnival are they talking about and where is it. She told me where it was and I told her that it probably wasn’t the best place to bring our kids. See where I live isn’t necessarily the “best” place to be. We live on the border of a not so nice town and every town that borders this town isn’t all that nice either.  I grew up in this town and it used to be nice.  I have wanted to get out for a long time but things haven’t worked out the way I planned…anyway…I told my wife that this carnival will probably be filled with kids wearing red, blue or yellow clothing therefore not a place we should bring our kids. For you people that aren’t “street” (I am not street but trying to sound tough) like I am, those are the colors of various gangs. She told me that I am being overly dramatic. Soooo….

Saturday we woke up and left for Nicky’s soccer game at the “Dust Bowl”. He did great again! He ran up and down the field faster than most and scored 2 goals. That’s 4 goals in 3 games for the kid. The game finished just before the lightning and high winds began so that was good. As soon as that was over we ran home to wash up and go to the carnival. The kids were out of their minds. They kept asking about the carnival and were just being so annoying about the whole thing. As we are getting ready to leave my wife tells me that her friend heard something happened at this carnival. When I asked what it was, my wife responded by telling me that there was a shooting. NO SHIT….a shooting. Click here to read the story “Panic at Bloomfield Carnival After Gunshots”.  So I of course say “I told you” but she wasn’t convinced thinking it would different during the day. I am not sure that she believed her friend. So we pack the kids into the mini-van and head over to the parking lot carnival. There are police, men wearing hard-hats dismantling the rides and carts as well as big trucks all over the place. The kids are now in a full frenzy, frothing at their mouths and wanting their carnival! I lean over and whisper to my wife “They are shut-down; those men are taking it apart”. Her response was “They are just fixing stuff. Go ask them what time they open”.  What? Did I hear that right? Well yes I did! Being the obedient husband that I am, I go and ask a worker. He responded exactly the way that I thought he would: “The police shut it down because there was a shooting here last night”. Ok well there you go! As you can imagine, I was dreading the kid’s reaction and it was every bit as bad as you would think. They screamed, cried, groaned, whined and everything else.

I drive away not knowing what we are going to do because they talked about it all week as it was supposed to be a part of my daughter’s birthday celebration. We drive with no destination, trying to figure out what we are going to do while the kids all cry and scream. In my infinite wisdom, I suggest that we go for some ice cream. My wife doesn’t think it is a good idea so we aimlessly drive some more. After about 15 minutes or so, I just turned around and asked the kids if they wanted ice cream and they said yes! That’s right…..Dad to the rescue! We go to the local spot and enjoy some ice cream.

The Birthday Girl!

Now with order restored, we can home to get ready for the party. It wasn’t a big affair, just my immediate family and hers. We had a nice time and we had the first visit of our 4 month old nephew. The kids were so happy to see him.  Jordan got a ton of presents and ate a lot of candy! It was a long day and tough day but it ended on a high note.

Sunday was just as busy. I woke up with the kids, cooked breakfast so the kids can serve Mommy in bed. I made French Toast and the kids made a fruit salad containing grapes, whole apples and a banana. It was really nice. After the breakfast in bed was served, my wife said she wanted to take the kids to an indoor amusement center. I went online and found 2 within a 30 minute drive.  We choose one and left. The entire ride consisted of the wife getting the kids fired up as she felt bad for the “shoot em up carnival”. As we pull into the lot I point out that it was empty. We thought that was great because we would basically have the place to ourselves. The wife and kids get out of the van so fast and make a bee-line for the door. As I walk up, I see the family standing in the entrance. As I walked to the door I see a sign: “FunPlex is closed for Mother’s Day”. Holy shit! Please tell me this is a joke. We break the news to the kids and what happens? Yes, more screaming and crying. We immediately tell them that we can try another place. We make the 20 minute trip for our next attempt. We pull in the lot and it is clearly open. We basically barged through the door and knocked down people to get in. We spent a couple of hours and had a blast. We played some arcade games together, the kids rode on the bumper cars and we went into a foam ball battlefield. It was a closed structure filled with foam balls and a lot of air-powered guns. It was a hit and the kids were happy.

When we got home, I made dinner while the wife and kids played outside. All in all, it was a good day but I hope next weekend is a little less traumatic!

Comments (8)

By Real Dad, April 11, 2010 8:04 am

I have to admit that I thought I would be up to writing and posting more than I have been but I’m not so go screw! Kidding of course.  A lot has happened since my last post but nothing worthwhile that would get me off of my lazy ass to write about so I’ll digress.

However I did return myself to Twitter. I see it like this: so many of us work and have family that socializing in person has grown to be a burden whether it be financially or mentally. I haven’t really spoken to my friends in years. Once I got married and started creating little lives with my wife, I have no extra time or desire to actually go out or invite people over for that matter.  For me, socializing online is good enough.  I enjoy seeing other parents tweeting the same thoughts and feelings I have, whether good or bad.  I have developed some “relationships” with some fellow Tweeps and look forward to seeing what they are up to on a daily basis. Maybe I relate to them, think they are a pisser or both.  Either way socializing online is fun, passes time and diverts me temporarily from the craziness of life.

Now all of the people I developed “relationships” with online could all be serial killers, social deviants, misfits, heads of a satanic cult (if you are let me know as I am certain I have good music on hand to play in the back-round of your next

I think I know that Tweep!

sacrifice), creepy guy or creepy chick, part of the plot to socialize America, part of the right-wing movement to lessen government (see how I played both sides of the fence there?), pyromaniacs, cat ladies, obsessed with porn guy (maybe that should be removed) or maybe the slight chance that you are all decent people…but I doubt that!

I felt the desire to write something and this is what I came up with so take it and like itJ. As I say at work: “A big ship turns slowly” or “Something this big takes time to build up momentum”. None of this means anything but I will try to start posting more often.

Cool tweeps to follow on Twitter and their blogs (if they have one):

@ezmomm – blog: “Oh For Pete’s Sake!!”

This image is better than the creepy Pied Piper with mice or kids following!

@ladywanderlust – blog: “A Blogoddess’ Tale”

@dadunmasked – blog: “dad unmasked”

@lilmommasmom – blog: “Worldofmomma”  - BTW get on her ass to write more

@tysdaddy – blog: “The Cheek of God”

@droofer

@rammer88

@havingtwinsnow – blog:”Having Twins Now”

@whyisdaddycrying  –  blog:”Why is Daddy Crying?”

Look if I follow them there is something cool about them so check out their stuff and all of the other tweeps I follow too!

I am also working hard in the Real Dads Lab to develop a platform in which I can socialize with my family without

Where the magic happens

really being there. The look and feel of my presence while I am actually living in a shack in the wilderness of Montana or Wyoming all by myself (I know that sounds familiar but I am not an evil genius…genius yes….evil…well maybe a little). Until then I am wiring my house with LCD monitors and looking for the perfect portable unit for my family, this way I can Skype them while I hide in a box on a street corner…again all by myself!

Comments (7)

By Real Dad, January 10, 2010 9:50 pm

Yesterday I was having a twittersation with Ezmomm regarding cleaning products. She mentioned to me that she hates the smell of pine cleaners because it reminds her of the times when she was sick as a youngster and her mother would place a puke bucket next to her bed with Pine Sol at the bottom. I totally related to this as my mother and father did the same thing! It is funny how things happen because today that conversation topic partially played out in my house.

Today started out on a good note, I got to sleep until 7:30 so I was happy about that. I got out of bed and immediately went for the coffee and while I drank my beverage of life, the wife and I discussed the schedule for the day. The plan for me was to get a haircut (never happened), take Nicky to the store to by shin guards, cook chili and watch football. The wife was to take Nicky to his first soccer game then come home and do some laundry. Well it didn’t go down that way. After a little while we notice that our youngest isn’t feeling well. He was cranky and looked a little pale but all of my kids are pale so we didn’t pay it much attention. I ran to the store with Nicky and as soon I came home he was off to his soccer game. When the wife and Nicky walked in the door, I knew something was wrong because he was crying (aren’t I the brilliant and intuitive father?). My wife walks in behind him and said that he just threw up in the van. NICE! So I went outside with my father-in-law to clean the van.

By the time I cleaned the van seat and came back inside, Corey and Jordan were awake. Nicky was lying on the couch and the wife had placed a bucket on the floor next to him (minus the Pine Sol). That is when it all hit me! I started to think of all of the crazy things that my parents did when my brothers and I were sick or hurt. Most of it involves my mother but my father was good for one every now and again. I reflect back.

Don't worry Mom has a cream for that!

My first random memory occurs when I was maybe 6 or 7. We lived in Florida and like every other kid, I fell into a Fire Ant mound. I was covered in ants. My father and uncle heard me screaming and ran out. They picked me up and threw me in the shower. My mother didn’t think it was anything to worry about and she patted me down with calamine lotion but my body had little red bumps and I puffed up like the “Stay Puffed Marshmellow Man”. My father had the wits to take me to the emergency clinic and/or hospital and after a shot or two I turned out ok.

I also remember being  8 years old or so and I fell off of my bike. It didn’t hurt but you can see the bone pushing up under the skin. I walked home holding my arm and saw my mother outside as she was going shopping. I told her that I broke my arm and she asked me to move my fingers.

Move your fingers Mike!

I moved my fingers (remember it was my arm that was broken and not all of my fingers) and she told me to go inside to my father because it wasn’t broken but he can put ice on it. I did what she said and went inside. One look and my father knew it was broken but we had to wait hours before she came home so I can be taken to the hospital.

A couple of years later, I ran into a metal gate and split my forehead open. I had blood running down my face and ran home screaming. I smashed open the door just yelling for my father. I remember my mother in the background somewhere yelling “Oh oh oh oh is he ok? Oh oh oh” while my father tried to assess the damage to my head. I wouldn’t let him see it and I was screaming. He smacked me across the face and told me to calm down. I did and he took me to the hospital for my 40 or so stitches.

There was another time when my brother Marc was around 11 or 12; I think he also fell of his bike and broke his ankle or something. He hobbled into the house and his foot was the size of a football and purple in color. My older brother and I immediately knew it was broken but my mother didn’t agree. She asked Marc to move his toes and he did. Her reply….”If you can move your toes, it isn’t broken”. We tried to convince her to take him to the hospital but she didn’t see the need. A few hours later my father came home and took the poor kid to the hospital.

OOOUCH!

The best story involves my older brother Eddie. He was around 16 and had the entire attic to himself as his bedroom. He was experiencing severe pains in his balls and they swelled up like grapefruits. The story goes (I was sleeping in the other room and had no idea of what was happening) that he crawled down the stairs and went into my parents bedroom. Since my mother was the closest to the door, he approached her with his swollen balls in hand. She rolled over and looked at him, as he was in tears telling her how much it hurt, and told him that he had a stomach ache and he would be fine. He made his way back to his room only to return later to wake up my father. My father immediately ran my brother to the hospital and he had emergency surgery to save his balls. Apparently it is a fairly common thing when a young man’s balls twist up like “Click Clacks” and the doctors knew exactly what they had to do.

I know there is more but these just came to mind quickly. It is truly amazing as I am sure I will do similar things to my kids. Sometimes you just get so numb of the crying and whining that you overlook something potentially serious. At least it provides me with blog content today!

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By Real Dad, January 4, 2010 10:48 pm

Alright, the holidays are over and we are back to the daily grind. I had the last 1.5 weeks off of work and spent every waking second with my family. That isn’t a bad thing but I will say it again, I do not envy stay-at-home parents! My wife decided to be a stay-at-home mom before we had Nicky but planned on returning to work at some point in the near

#4 Baking nicely

future. That didn’t happen because we had a 2nd and 3rd child within a very short time frame. Lately she has been working part-time at night at a local catering hall but I think that has stopped as business hasn’t been good. It really sucks since she found out she was pregnant with #4 right before Thanksgiving! That’s right, ANOTHER BABY!

I know that this whole baby thing is a blessing (or so I hear) but I am really having a hard time with this. We currently have 3 kids that we struggle to provide for. We do not have a fancy place to live, nice furniture (actually we do not have enough furniture to furnish every room), my wife and I do not go out (husband and wife time), we do not socialize with anyone except family, we send 2 of our kids to a private school that we cannot afford because the local schools suck, the wife and I go without buying much needed items such as new clothes, we do not take vacations and having 3 children ages 6, 4 and 3 just eats at your last nerve in general. Now I am not saying that I do not love my family because I certainly do but it isn’t easy and it is not all happy-happy-joy-joy!

We all have our issues and I am sure that I sound like a whining baby and I really don’t care as it is my blog and my rules . My wife and I have had a long-standing disagreement regarding the amount of children we should have. I wanted a vasectomy for several years now but she was against anything so definite. We explored our options and settled on birth control pills but she stopped taking them over the summer (why I am not sure and right now it doesn’t matter). Recently we were a little careless and maybe forgot the whole birth control idea, so we are certainly both culpable and I understand that. Knowing the error of our ways is great but it does not help me with the future of what I have in front of me right now.

How will we afford to raise the newest addition to our family? This isn’t 1910 so I cannot pull Nicky out of school to work in the local factory for 18 hours a day or send Jordan to harvest the crops! I was thinking of pulling straws to

The way it was.......

determine which kid I would sell on the “black market” but I came to the conclusion that

A different time...and not worth repeating

wouldn’t go over well with the general public or law-enforcement officials. I even thought about becoming a pimp and “turning out” the wife but let’s face it, she is pregnant now and after she gives birth she will have to take care of #4. So what am I to do? I guess just the best I can.

I have a feeling that I will get a lot of flak for this post and I am prepared. As I told my wife, I don’t want to hear all of the “Oh this is great” or “What is the difference between 3 kids and 4 kids?”. It isn’t a happy time when you are completely clueless of where the money will come from to raise a family of 4 kids without some type of drastic change. By drastic change I mean pulling my kids out of their school and moving to a place in which the public schools are much better. The problem with that is we have to move far from where we are and my wife has been against being further then a short drive from her parents or my mine. I am also fully aware that some couples struggle to conceive a child and many view children as blessings

Just a little dream!

but we all have our struggles and this is mine. I know this sounds horrible but it is REAL and this is Real Dads Hangout; I tell it like it is! Unless someone jumps out of the corner of the delivery room with television cameras and a giant check with a lot of 0’s, I don’t want to hear it! I will of course fall in love with this baby and do everything I can for him or her and that goes without saying. It is the road that must be traveled by my family that I am a loathing. It will be long and bumpy so I hope we all come out in the end with all of our limbs and our sanity!

BRING IT YOU LIL CHILDREN BASTARDS, BRING IT! DADDY IS READY FOR FRIGGIN WAR!

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By Real Dad, September 4, 2009 9:29 pm

Here it is folks, the last weekend of summer. A time for family to spend one more weekend  grilling. This week has been a tremendously tough one and the weekend is eagerly anticipated! This past week I transferred to the company headquarters (60 miles away), worked at least 10 hours each day and Carrie had a difficult week with the kids which included Corey having a tooth extracted. Ouch! He was restrained and given gas to sedate him so it turned out not as horrific as my wife thought it would be. In this case, it paid off having sleep apnea because she told Corey the mask at the dentist is just like the one Daddy wears to bed. He bought it however this Daddy wishes his mask was like the one Corey used at the dentist! I wish I had a funny video to show everyone of how “stoned” he was but I wasn’t there and Carrie doesn’t think like me….sorry.

I am hoping the weather holds up this weekend as our weekend is planned to be spent in Long Island with my wife’s family. Lil’ Papa took Nicky and Jordy with him yesterday so we are meeting them tomorrow after I do somethings around the house. There is just not enough time during the week!

Next week is school…..YEH! I cannot wait for school. I already posted my feelings on the start of school so I will not say it all again but the feelings are bitter sweet. I will be broke and penniless soon as my kids go to private school and we cannot afford it by any means but my wife will get a break which means I get a break. I will let you read between those lines.

The school system in my town sucks for the most part and the district I live in has the worst school therefore we refuse to send my son there. We have to get out of this town but will not be able to do it any time soon. We made a request to the board of education asking them to allow my son to attend another school and we were refused so we kept him in the catholic school. Hopefully we can swing one more year but now Jordan is enrolled in Pre-K classes…shoot me now! We may be living in a cardboard box soon but if I still have my notebook and I can find a semi-clean alley behind a wi-fi location, I will be happy. Oh yeah…..as long as I have my wife and kids too! Was that believable?