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By Real Dad, August 23, 2009 11:43 pm

Have you ever taken a vacation with your family only to desire another vacation just to unwind? That is exactly how I feel tonight! Carrie and I just returned from a family vacation at the beach and I am whipped. We had a lot of fun in many regards but the effort that went into it is truly exhausting. Being a father on vacation with the family isn’t necessarily a relaxing time.

Lugging 3 small children and everything that goes into it to the beach is something I HATE to do. I was never fond of the beach but before children it was tolerable. Now I HATE IT! I keep reminding myself that I have to do it for my kids but I cannot help but loathe every second. After all, it was 95 degrees, humid, very windy and the surf was extremely rough. Nicky and Corey were at the water’s edge the entire time. I was standing on guard, ensuring that they didn’t get sweep away in the strong rip tide while my wife sat with Jordan-Rose who was playing in the sand. I am not a “worry wart” (I leave that to my wife) but while the boys were laughing, running back and forth to waters edge and throwing sand, I was worried about one of them getting swept away by a strong wave break and not being able to get to them in time. It is a scary thought but realistic given the strength of the ocean. When the kids did sit down, it was nothing but complaining about the sand stuck to their feet and hands or the wind blowing sand in their face. Then as one built a sand castle, or as I like to call it a bucket mold of sand, the others would knock it down and laugh. Oh and I cannot forget the cries: “I have to go pee-pee!”.  Yes….I made them pee in the water; I wasn’t walking all the way up the beach to the bathroom!

After 4.5 hours this father called it quits. So now it is time to pack up all of the chairs, the coolers, towels, blankets, toys, kids and garbage and make the long trek through the sand and across the parking lot to our mini-van (ugh). This is when we noticed that my wife was so frantic about the reapplication of sun screen for the kids that she forgot to put it on herself and wound up with a serious sun burn on the right side of her body.

After a brief nap at my mother’s house we headed out to the board-walk. Thank god for grandparents because my mother paid for all of their rides! The kids really had a blast on the rides but it was not without some drama. Nicky wanted to go on rides the others didn’t want to go on or couldn’t because of height requirements and some crying followed. It was hot and humid and we were all cranky. My wife asked me to get her a slushy and when I can back with the wrong drink she was mad. She made what I say was a nasty comment and I returned that volley with the drink being slammed into the closet garbage can. Meanwhile there was 7 other family members present that may have benefited from the ice cold refreshment but I didn’t care at that moment. SORRY everyone! So now Carrie and I are pissed at each other but we continued our walk up and down the board-walk with a 1 hour stop over in the arcade. I was partnered up with Nicky so that we can both play some games while Carrie and the other family members took turns with Jordan and Corey. Some how I get stuck dragging two damn strollers through the arcade, never-mind the fact that I am with the 1 kid that doesn’t sit in a stroller!! How does that happen?

The next day my wife and mother took the kids to the pool while I spent 3.5 hours cleaning out the van. The van is over a year old and was NEVER washed. I won’t mention that my wife promised to periodically bring it to the car wash. I think I vacuumed up enough crumbs to make 12 cakes or 100 cookies. There was even stains on the roof liner from the flinging of drinks! I removed close to a dozen straws, some type of partially eaten fruit, several crushed cups and what I hope was melted chocolate from between 2 seats. The kids finger prints were on everything and my wife’s toe prints were all over the windshield, as she puts her feet up and sleeps on long rides. I think I lost 10 lbs trying to get this done before I had to go to the pool to pick-up everyone.

All in all it was a great time but tiring. Maybe next time I will take a few extra days, not tell Carrie and stay in a cheap hotel to recuperate! All of you new fathers…TAKE NOTE! This is how it is when you have multiple children very close in age….but I did have a lot of fun too!

Corey not sure what to think of this ride and Jordan having a blast

Nicky and Jordan laughing it up while Grandma ensures Corey's safety in the back

Gotta keep those airways open

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By Real Dad, August 17, 2009 12:50 pm

Once a place of serenity......NOT ANY MORE!

As a father of three kids 6 years old and younger, I do not have many places in which I can go to escape the craziness in my home. There is 1 place that I go in which I truly wish not to be bothered and that is the bathroom! Why is it that any one of my kids can walk out of the bathroom and as soon as I walk towards it they yell: “I’m not finished!” or “I forgot to wash my hands!”? Is it some built-in auto response or a genetic code yet to be mapped?

This morning I was in the bathroom shaving. My 4 year old daughter, Jordan or Jordy as she is called by her brothers, was knocking on the door ever so softly. I ignored her until she began to knock louder. My wife is in the back round yelling: “Jordan your father is in the bathroom, leave him alone!” My response was a simple “Jordan, you have to wait until I come out”. This was not what she wanted. She knocked again and again and began calling me. Finally I opened the door with a stern “WHAT?”. Her response was a simple “Hi Daddy”. To be honest, I was mildly aggravated and slightly amused.

I just don’t understand. This same thing happens with my 2 boys as well. Believe me, my bathroom is nothing special. I don’t have anything fancy or fun. I just want to do whatever it is that I have to do in peace but apparently nothing is off limits with kids of this age!

Once I lost control of the bathroom, I knew I was done. A father’s place of serenity has turned into another KIDS PLAY AREA!

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By Real Dad, August 16, 2009 12:14 am

Since I entered fatherhood on July 23, 2003, I have thought back a lot to my childhood. I always saw my father as larger then life. I never looked at him as a person; he was my dad. He was the guy that taught me things, played with me, helped me, yelled at me, punished me (and I deserved the yelling and the punishments), hugged me and kissed me. I never thought about: what he liked to do, what kind of music he listened to, who his friends were and/or his childhood. He was just DAD!

I look at pictures from when I was a kid and I see my father then I say to myself “Holy crap! I am older then he was in this picture!” and I say that often. I get nostalgic and remember the times when my father was the top of the line; you just couldn’t get any better then that. As I grew older, I of course got to know him as a person and still saw the wonderful things but also had been given an insight into the not so wonderful. You know, the things that make us human.

Being a 35 year old father of 3, I look within myself. I remember being a kid and wanting to go fishing with my father, play Track-Ball (DO ANY OF YOU REMEMBER THAT?) with him and just looking up to him in every way. And I ask, How did he feel about himself?

My father, my son Corey (the youngest), and mother - taken about 1 week before my father died

I was not a perfect child and had my share of trouble. I listened to heavy metal (and still do!), had an awful mullet, wore flannel shirts and work boots, smoked and drank a few things I probably shouldn’t have at a young age, strolled in at 6:30 am after a night partying with the guys, hurt people’s feelings, lied to my parents, lied to some girlfriends but not my wife of course, and all of those other things that most guys do when they are young. I also wasted a lot of money on needless things, worked a few jobs that sucked, owned a few cool cars, was close friends with a lot of people I really do not see or talk to anymore and miss much of the freedom I once had.

None of these things matter to my kids. To them I am dad but all of those things make me the dad they know. I am the best man they know. I am the one they look up to and I am the one they see as “larger then life” just as I did with my father. I can still be all of those things I mentioned above but now, before all of that, I AM DAD!

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By Real Dad, August 14, 2009 6:23 pm

Being a father was something I really looked forward to for nine months. One night in July of 2003, my wife kicked me out of my bed for excessive snoring. She was ready to pop and in no mood to hear my house shaking snorts, grunts and gasps. So being the wonderful husband I am (I was actually annoyed but happy to leave the room after the six elbows to the side), I left the room for the comfy couch!

Here I am in lala land and I hear a faint voice saying “Mike, I think my water broke”. I jumped up and ran to the bed.

I placed my hand right in the middle of the spot and smelled my hand for pee because we all know pregnant women cannot always hold it. IT WASN’T PEE! So off we go to the hospital and yes we were all packed already. Fatherhood, here I come!

Once at the hospital, the anxiety really kicks in for me and my wife is not having contractions but since her water broke and she tested positive for strep, they begin to induce labor. Approximately 12 hours or more pass before she can have an epidural. After multiple epidural injections and a total of 22 hours of induced labor, my wife was instructed to push by the doctor. My wife begins pushing and her mother is in the room to help keep her calm. During the 2+ hours of my wife pushing, I am routinely asked if I want to venture out from behind the safety of the bed and sheets blocking my view to witness the birth of my child. I of course answered: “NO THANK YOU!” each and every time. Since my mother-in-law was allowed in the room, my wife really wasn’t the nasty mother giving birth but rather calm given the situation. She was truly unbelievable because by the time my son Nicholas was born, approximately 25 hours had past!

25 Friggin Hours!

As soon as my son is born they immediately laid him on my wife’s chest. They ask us for his name in which we quickly said “Nicholas Edward” (named after each grandfather) and my mother-in-law blurts out in the middle of this “Do you have a hat for this kid?”.  Ok…let me explain this: Since my son was in the birth canal so damn long and a suction cup was used, his head was misshaped with a big purple lump on top! Anyway, my wife is of course sweating and tired so my mother-in-law asks me to get my wife a towel wet with cold water. Unfortunately for me, the sink was located in such a position that I would have to walk across the front of the bed. I was not doing that so I began to move my wife’s bed away from the wall so I could squeeze behind it and my mother yells at me. I stated my case, she called me a few choice words and tells me to go the other way.

I thought about it for a few moments and said to myself “you can do this, just do not look anywhere but at the sink”. I began to walk slowly towards the front of the bed, keeping my eye on the sink to my left. As I round the corner of the bed, I see a blur of red and then I slip! In the middle of the slip, I noticed a steel tray on a table

Imagine 5x this amount, if you are not a father....Uuuggghhh

with what looked like grape jelly in it (it was of course the placenta). It looked like someone took a big bottle of jelly and emptied it into a baking pan.Yes, my knees got weak and a nurse grabbed me and helped me to the sink. I toughened up, got the wet towel and walked to my mother-in-laws side of the bed! Hahaha.

The doctor then notices that my son isn’t breathing easy and they rush him off to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It turns out that one of his lungs was surrounded by fluid causing difficulty breathing. The fluid disappeared after 2-3 days and he was released.

It was truly an amazing experience. I was as happy as any one man could be. I was of course ignorant of the fact that this little baby would be relying on my wife and me for everything.

Fatherhood had certainly entered my life, full force!