I have been doing a lot of thinking lately on ways to improve my life, thus my family’s lives. If you have visited my blog before then you know I have a fourth kid on the way (Introducing #4) and I am struggling with some big decisions and some negative feelings. Knowing all that we are facing in this house, I have been going crazy thinking of little things that would improve my daily quality of life. There are many things that cross my mind throughout the day and if only I was creative and determined, I would try to produce some the prototypes. Here are some of my thoughts.
• Fingerprintless glass
• Walls that shock kids that attempt to draw or write on them
• A refrigerator that punches kids when they open it
• A remote control that works on kids
• Carpeting that actually repels stains
• Toilets that throw whatever it is the kids threw in back in their faces
Great School!
• Bathroom floors that have a French-drain
• Self-cleaning asses – yeah that’s right…asses that clean themselves…
• Noise canceling paint
• Kid’s movies that can only be played 5 times
• Toys that don’t break
• A wife that doesn’t nag – yes….purposely buried in the middle of the list
• A wife that doesn’t complain – yes again buried
• Family that isn’t a pain in the ass
• Food that doesn’t leave crumbs
• Liquids that turn solid if they don’t go directly from cup to mouth
• Candy that makes kids sleepy and/or calm
• Mini-vans with sound proofed partitions
• Child restraints that would not cause immediate incarceration if used
• A law should exist for when kids cause parents enough frustration, the parents would be allowed to leave without fear of criminal charges or public scrutiny
• A house full of Sandra Bullock, Diane Lane, Halle Berry, Shakira and Nancy Pelosi
The above list is what I can remember but as you can see, I am full of friggin genius. Imagine the possibilities! If you have the money and resources to produce a prototype, be my guest. I will take a percentage as the idea man!
I felt it time to do my first review. I toiled long and hard over what to review and fatherhood was the only thing I could come up with. Fatherhood may not be something I am good at but I have a lot of experience with 3 kids and 1 on the way. I affectionately refer to the number of kids as 3.7 as my wife is due in July.
Fatherhood began for me a little over 7 years ago when my wife told me she was pregnant. I was very excited and a little nervous while my wife as very nervous and a little excited. I made it a point to be at every doctor visit and I mean every visit! I thought it would be amazing and wonderful to have a little me or little wife running around. When delivery day came, I was nervous as could be and my wife’s labor and delivery was brutal. I think it totaled 25 hours or so. I should have known then what was in my future!
I found fatherhood to consist of the following:
- Your life is no longer your own
- Your life will never be the same
- Cleaning the dirty ass of another human being
- Getting baby shit under your fingernails
- Getting pissed on
- Talking like an idiot to a baby that doesn’t understand you regardless of how you talk
- Making a multitude of additional trips to the store for various baby items
- Being amazed at every “first” of your new baby
- Bragging to anyone that makes believe they are listening about how amazing your son is
- Getting the daily run-down from your wife when you get home from work
- Always worrying if your baby farts and shits regularly (yes it’s a Daddy thing)
- Wondering where your wife went
- Remembering the days of constant sex
- Daydreaming of the day you may have sex again
- Trying to figure out why the baby is crying
- Running to the hospital when your son tumbles down 13 stairs (hey it only happened once)
- Not going out with the wife and/or friends like you used to
- Having another kid
- Thinking “What the hell is wrong with us?”
- Not being as excited about the “firsts” as you were for the first
- Feeding and clothing another person
- Thinking “I hope my wife leaves me alone today”
- Saying the diapers can be re-used because you don’t want to run to the store
- Asking if the kids really require food
- Watching the savings account you complied for a house dwindle away
- Not going out without at least one kid on your hip except to work
- Not immediately running to the crying 2nd child as you did the first
- Watching the medical bills pile up
- Getting sick when prior to kids you weren’t sick for over 10 years
- Another friggin kid!
- Not caring if the kid farts or shits regularly
- What? Are there kids crying somewhere???
- Food….there better be enough for me
- Saying: “Damn, I am sorry babe but I have to work late”
- Telling the wife: “I know he is only 3 weeks old but he can feed himself if we teach him”
- Figuring out which kid doesn’t get attention today?
- Asking: “Do they really have to go to the doctor?”
- Hoping the kids doesn’t walk as it is one less thing to worry about
- Praying that the kid doesn’t talk as there is more than enough noise in the house
- Looking for the money you HAD in the savings account last year
- Having a wife that is losing her mind after being trapped in a small apartment with 3 little kids all day
- Sending your 2 oldest (which are only 6 and 4) to a private school because the public schools here blow
- Wondering how are we sending these kids to private school when we have NO MONEY
- Knowing the 3rd kid will not go to private school
- Hoping the wife doesn’t talk to me
- Hoping the kids forget that I am their father
- ANOTHER FRIGGIN KID IS ON THE WAY????????!!!!!!????
HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That my friends…..is FATHERHOOD!
…….and I wouldn’t change a friggin thing!
I love them with all of my heart!
This may just be me if I looked in a mirror right now!
How many fathers out there feel inadequate in their “providing” for the family? This is something I have struggled with myself for quite a while now. I understand in our generation that many mommies are the larger of the financial providers and in many cases the sole provider, so maybe they understand as well.
I am not sure of where I get my old fashion belief that it is my sole duty to provide everything needed for my family and that my income should be enough to do it all without my wife having to work but I it is how I feel. Growing up in my house for the majority of my youth, my mother’s career provided the stable income and in many cases the only income. My father was often between jobs and in many cases, especially later in his life, he did whatever he had to do to bring home a paycheck. He worked many low level jobs just to have some type of income being brought into the home which I truly respect but he could not be counted on for bringing home a steady check. I guess I am providing my own psychoanalysis here huh?
Early in October, I wrote about being a father that has lost all sense of manhood but I am fine with all of that. As I forge ahead in life, I am truly bothered by not being able to provide enough for my family to have all that it deserves. My kids deserve to go to a good school which we do not have here at the public level so we send 2 of them to private school. My family deserves a big home with a large back yard and a play-set but instead we rent a place in a two-family home. My wife and I deserve to go on vacation without kids (we never had a honeymoon) and we both deserve to buy clothes and other things whenever we want but instead we (meaning the wife and kids) mooch off of family members and spend a week with them just to get out of our home and call it a vacation. My wife deserves to have a husband that provides enough so that she doesn’t have to work on weekends however she does need some time away from the kids as she chooses not to work during the week in order to be with the kids. I deserve to to own a large plasma television with the latest surround sound set-up but instead I have a small LCD T.V. with an old surround sound system. My wife deserves to get her nails done once a week or twice a month (whatever it is that is required) along with the periodic massage, as she used to do before we had kids.
I have a good job and hold a nice position within the company. I earn a decent salary (although I have made less and less over the past 3 years) with health benefits, have a company car, a 401-K, vacation time, unlimited sick time and the flexibility at times to go in late and/or leave early. My wife and kids love me and everyone is healthy. My family is happy for the most part and we are always there for each other. We do not skip or pay our bills late and never wonder if we will have enough money to buy food. I am just a father that thinks his children deserve everything and a husband that feels his wife should want for nothing. So why do I feel like we deserve all of this? I am not sure but I do! I do not understand were my feelings of entitlement come from but I have to do better just to remind myself of what I do have. I see and hear of many people that do not possess a fraction of what we have. As we know, many people are without jobs and cannot afford to see a doctor or do not know where their next meal is coming from.
So who the hell am I to complain?!?!
Ok enough of this crap… Corey (my 3 year old son) is running around wearing a Dorothy costume complete with ruby slippers, Jordan is wearing his Buzz Lightyear costume and Nicky is yelling at both of them! FRIGGIN KIDS!
Marriage means many different things to many different people. Most of these things are indeed great but some of
Me after marriage
them….well not so great. Over the last few days, I have realized that any measurable quantity of machismo I once possessed has been lost. I have never been known as the typical “Guy’s Guy” but never really a sissy-la-la either; I usually ranked somewhere in between. Over the weekend I had some things happen that made me realize that marriage is slowly decaying my minimal machismo level. Here are some of the examples I thought of:
- When my wife inferred that my haircut does not look good on my fat head, I did not say go f***yourself and throw an upper-cut
- When my potty training 3 year old bent over in front of me and said “Daddy look at my butt” and spread his little ass cheeks apart I didn’t kick him straight in his ass
- I am constantly cleaning pee from the toilet and floor when just a mere 10 years ago I would piss on the bowl, floor,wall and anything else within a 5 ft radius of the toilet in a drunken stupor then say “screw it!” and walk away
- I have played with dolls, a toy kitchen set, a toy cosmetic bust along with many other girly things and I am not ashamed to admit it
- I have cried in front of my wife and did not say “If you tell anyone about this I will KILL you”
- I was hurt when my 4 year old daughter told me she didn’t like me
- I have expressed to my wife on many occasions that something hurt
- I admitted to my wife that I did not know how to do something
- I said…….”I do”
As you can clearly tell, marriage changes a man. However I must say that I wouldn’t change it for anything!……..
Pssst…the wife may read this so I had to throw that in. See…again…machismo lost!
Last week my wife came home after spending a weekend with the kids at a relative’s house and once the kids went to bed, she announced a revelation of sorts to me. She told me that she felt that she was too easy on the kids and that I have become numb to the point in which I do not react (meaning be a parent). This came after she realized that the kids get away with far too much misbehaving, including not listening to either of us and acting out of control. I am not sure of exactly what brought this major change about but I was not going to question why she felt this way, as this is the way I have felt for some time!
So we began the following:
- None of the kids are allowed to leave the kitchen table until all of us have eaten
- Once we put them down to bed, they are not allowed to come out of their rooms or talk to each other from the doorway
- They get one warning and if they continue the inappropriate behavior we send them to a long time out (longer than the 1 min per year of age rule she has followed for the last 3 years or so)
- If they break the rules we set forth they do not get their desert, cannot watch television (we have certain times of the day in which we allow them to watch a show or two), they do not get to play with their favorite toy or other such suitable type punishment for the crime
All for One and One for All!
I know that these are things that may sound automatic to most or at least some parents but Carrie and I have had a fundamental difference in our parenting techniques. If it were my way it would be something like this:
- When I say no I mean NO and for the most part they do not deserve a reason. On some occasions a reason may be warranted but it is age and instance specific
- Not everything in our house is for them to play with
- I do not have to spend every minute in the presence of the kids when I am home
- Rules and boundaries have to be established early
- The kids must put the current toy away before taking out another toy
Her way would be something like this:
- No is not something that should be said often and kids often need to be given a reason so that they comprehend why you may say no
- It is not a big deal to let the kids play with something if it is not going to hurt them or others
- Being a parent means spending as much time as you can with them when they are young and want your attention because one day they will not want it
- A house with kids is supposed to have toys all over
- Rules and boundaries have to be loose and can be changed on a case by case basis
As you can imagine, Carrie thinks that I am too strict and I think she is too easy. Over time we have let our house become a zoo. The kids don’t listen, run around like maniacs and do not respect property or material items. Now let it be known that Nicky, Jordan-Rose and Corey are great kids. They are sweet, friendly (most of the time) and have great manners. What has been allowed to happen in our home is equally our fault, from a parenting perspective. We let many things get in the way and we choose the easier way to deal with things which was to not deal with them at all, in most cases.
Carrie is in a tough situation and I respect her and love her dearly for what she goes through on a daily basis. She is home alone for 10-12 hours with 3 small children while I work. By the time I come home from work, the kids are either just getting ready for bed or already in bed. The majority of the parenting lies on her however we are their parents equally. Carrie has made some changes to her parenting technique and the benefits are already showing in the kid’s behavior. It also helps that Nicky is at school all day and Jordan-Rose attends Pre-K 3x per week for 3 hours each time. Bedtime is much less hectic and once they go to bed, they have been staying there and she has been telling me that dinner is much calmer and becoming a pleasure rather than a chore.
Now I have to work on being a little less uptight and more involved in the daily lives of my family. How I will accomplish this is the dilemma since my job requires a lot of my time. I guess for now, I will follow my wife’s lead as I clearly see a difference in the kids just after one week!
This is how I feel about school NOW!
School time is quickly approaching here in NJ and this father cannot wait! Although I am not the one home with the children, I receive the result of my wife’s frustration. This year Nicky will be in the 1st grade and Jordy will be in Pre-K classes 3 days per week. This is will be a well deserved break for Carrie. By the time school starts, Corey will not be taking Prednisone (read my last post for that one) and Carrie and Corey should have some quiet time together.
Having 3 children so close in age better pay off in the future because it is friggin tough right now! This house is filled with a lot of laughter, playful yelling, fighting, not-so-playful screaming, teasing, hitting, pushing and all of the other stuff that goes on between the father and mother……kidding of course. By the time I get home in the evening, my wife has been with the kids for about 12 hours all by herself, on most occasions. Needless to say, she is quite happy to have some reinforcement to help her but after working 10-12 hours myself, I am not always in the right mood to deal with the craziness. We endure it well, I think.
For all of the mothers out there that chose to stay home and raise your kids: GOD BLESS YOU! This father couldn’t do it! I guess I could but I think I would need a daily dose of Valium or an equivalent (legal or other wise). I am certain that women are much better suited for raising children and I am not being sexiest here. I personally do not know many fathers, if any at all, that would choose to stay home but I know they exist because I follow their blogs. For now, I prefer working my ass off every day; at least I am not not surrounded by loud and messy kids all of the time even though I am speaking of my own kids. I am the hunter/gatherer! My bounty may not always be what my wife would hope for but she said “I do” so she is stuck!
This 35 year old father is off to work now. A 45 minute ride, all by myself with some old school Metallica playing through my MP3 player. That’s right, off to “work” or I should say: Off to a more peaceful place for the day! My blog, my rules! 
Hello everyone! I appreciate that you stopped by. I hope you find this blog informative and entertaining as I will shoot straight about the good, bad and ugly of fatherhood and marriage. I have not seen many blogs that I could connect with relating these topics so I figured why not start my own.
My wife Carrie and I have 3 kids:
- Nicholas (Nicky) – 6 years old, very sensitive and also the quiet instigator
- Jordan-Rose (Jordy) – 4 years old, cute as a button but defiant, strong and a “handful” in many ways
- Corey (Cor-Cor) – 3 years old, sweet, funny, kind and often on the receiving end of the others debauchery but he is stating to give it back
Our house is loving but often hectic and filled with the sounds of raised voices, kids singing, dancing, stomping, yelling, fighting and everything else you can imagine. I am sure many of you will be able to relate with the content about to come your way!
Check back soon or subscribe because I have a lot to share!
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